Bad news, folks. The Tories have proven yet again that they’re complete and utter wankers.

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33 points

Yeah. I heard about this on the radio, and my first thought was, “Oh shit, those suicide rates are going to skyrocket.”

My second thought was “Should I throw a bucket of gravy over whoever’s responsible, or should I come at them with a cricket bat?”

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25 points

“Oh shit, those suicide rates are going to skyrocket.”

Oh nah, people are absolutely going to die as a direct result of this decision. More many will have scars.

It’s still murder—still assault—if the weapon you form against a person is their own beleaguered hand.

I weep for needless death.

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15 points

I vote cricket bat, then throw a bucket of gravy on them as they lay on the ground. Then spit on them. Then kick them… A lot!

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8 points

Make sure the gravy is good and salty, too.

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