Comment by mozz@mbin.grits.dev on PSA.

A guy came into the ER with a teacup up his ass.

The doctor asked how it happened.

The doctor said, in the writing where I was reading about this whole event: “What followed was a long and startling story that I immediately regretted asking for.”

See, this is why it’s important to buy teacups with flared bases.

yeah right, he was probably cleaning the kitchen, slipped and fell on it, just like everyone else.

That’s pretty much exactly what he said, he just took a long time to say it, which was what led to the deep, deep regret on the part of the doctor. He was dusting up on a ladder, drinking tea, totally naked, and then he fell, and oh no look what has happened now.

There’s a montage from Scrubs where a bunch of people claim “I fell on it” that ends in the last guy shrugging and saying, “I was bored.”

I respect the fuck out of the last guy.

I really don’t get it. The only answer that question needs is just look the doctor in the eye and ask, “do I really need to explain?”

I don’t know for sure, but I feel like the overwhelming majority of doctors would just nod and say “got it,” and then get on with their work.

Knowing how an injury happened can let them know to look for something you might not have considered. For example, if you come in with a broken arm and tell them you fell off a ladder, they might poke around to see if you broke anything else. If you really did wind up with something forcefully shoved in an orifice, they would want to pay careful attention for tears and such.

please explain to me how the specific manner a teacup managed to get into my ass, matters as to whether or not it will go well.

tears of joy or tears of regret?

Also a hilarious scene in Sirens when they drive the ambulance over a bump to dislodge the coke bottle from a guys ass

Also

If you like dark comedy movies and you haven’t seen Bringing out the Dead, you really should

Hate when that happens!

How uncultured. When given a gift, you spread your hands and say “thank you.”

No, it’s his friend’s magical teacup that goes wherever you command it. This poor victim just wasn’t careful with his incredulous utterance when his friend told him about it.

Million to one shot, Doc. Million to one.

“If that ever happens, you need two things and two things quickly: a pair of ice tongs and a friend who can keep a secret.”

-Dave Attell

Where else would I put my tea bag

it’s a TEA CUP. EVEN WORSE.

Still not as bad as a glass jar.

Warning: you seriously do not want to look up One Man One Jar if you value not feeling horrified.

I have no idea how that man remained as quiet as he did, and you’re right, it is horrifying.

The internet is full of delightfully horrifying tales like that. Just yesterday, I got to witness a few people regretting asking about the pony jar. (Don’t look that one up either)

Condensed milk tin can.

Gives a new meaning to moloko +

This has been a story about some people who were punished entirely too much for what they did. They wanted to have a good time, but they were like children playing in the street. We really all were very happy for a while, sitting around not toiling but just bullshitting and playing, but it was for such a terrible brief time, and then the punishment was beyond belief: even when we could see it, we could not believe it.

The implication that not only did he not just put it up there, but that there was a whole boatload of context that neither of them were happy to know of

“I fell” works well enough.

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