A guy came into the ER with a teacup up his ass.
The doctor asked how it happened.
The doctor said, in the writing where I was reading about this whole event: “What followed was a long and startling story that I immediately regretted asking for.”
yeah right, he was probably cleaning the kitchen, slipped and fell on it, just like everyone else.
That’s pretty much exactly what he said, he just took a long time to say it, which was what led to the deep, deep regret on the part of the doctor. He was dusting up on a ladder, drinking tea, totally naked, and then he fell, and oh no look what has happened now.
There’s a montage from Scrubs where a bunch of people claim “I fell on it” that ends in the last guy shrugging and saying, “I was bored.”
I respect the fuck out of the last guy.
“If that ever happens, you need two things and two things quickly: a pair of ice tongs and a friend who can keep a secret.”
-Dave Attell
Still not as bad as a glass jar.
Warning: you seriously do not want to look up One Man One Jar if you value not feeling horrified.
This has been a story about some people who were punished entirely too much for what they did. They wanted to have a good time, but they were like children playing in the street. We really all were very happy for a while, sitting around not toiling but just bullshitting and playing, but it was for such a terrible brief time, and then the punishment was beyond belief: even when we could see it, we could not believe it.
Just cut off the penis, remove the ring and then reattach the penis. Do I have to do everyone’s job around here?
Slap a summer sausage in the middle there for extra length and it’s win-win
It appears the market has spoken, thus you must clearly upgrade your ring cutting equipment.
That is, unless the poor sap acquired the titanium ring from Boeing or Airbus’ supplier. Then maybe you can use kindergarten stubby scissors.
Hospitals will generally have ring cutters like this:
They are hand powered and very cost effective for gold and silver rings. Diamond tipped cutters usually need something like a Dremel to power them. They look something like this:
.
They are much more expensive compared to hand powered ones, and pose a higher risk to a patient so they would require additional training to use it, which is another extra cost.
Also, ummm, titanium gets hot. Like all metal gets hot when you cut it, that’s just how friction works.
But titanium is gummy.
When we cut steel it makes a nice clean chip until the tool is dull, then it’ll make ugly chips.
When we cut aluminum or copper, we have to use tools with fewer teeth so they don’t get clogged up with chips. This is fine because these materials are so soft and we can run cutting speeds so high that having fewer teeth isn’t a big deal.
But titanium is both gummy, in that it wants lots of space between cuts because it’ll clog up teeth, and very hard, in that it wants lots of teeth making smaller cuts.
It’s also a shit conductor. Aluminum and copper will whisk away heat. Titanium gets hot and stays that way.
So your titanium jewelry, wherever applied, that needs to be cut off of you, will need a diamond saw, which isn’t really a cutting tool, it’s an abrasive one. Meaning it works through aggressive, point blank friction.
My point is if you smash your titanium cock ring on, it’s going to not only require a very uncomfortable proximity to a power tool to remove it, it’s going to absolutely burn the fuck out of your dick.
Thank you for the details! I find the different properties of metals fascinating but rarely have the time to read up on it (which isn’t made easier by having to first read up on and understand a bunch of terminology and underlying concepts, which my ADHD just doesn’t have the patience for), so comments like yours giving a bit of insight are perfect.
Just want to add that we’re talking about a tool that can be used to remove rings stuck on any appendage, not just cocks.
Yes! I should have clarified. Wedding rings getting stuck on old people’s fingers will be the main use case for those tools, meaning people will have to buy a lot of titanium cock rings before it’s cost effective for hospitals to have electric cutting tools as standard.
Great. Now I feel guilty about my Father’s Day gift.
I have been waiting at an airport since 4 hours for my flight. Bored out of my mind, your comment made me giggle in public like a teenager in love!
If you wanna cut the circulation off to your wang, just hold it tighter. That way you can just let go and not need to go to the hospital.
They make rubber rings for this for people with ED. You don’t have to cause yourself injury.