118 points

Thoughts and prayers for the one patient for whom it actually was a freak accident

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28 points

Probably the priest who fell on a potato while cooking naked

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16 points

How’d you know he was a priest if he was naked?

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22 points

He was praying when it happened. “Oh my god”

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27 points

Fun fact: If you actually fell and landed on something with enough force to make it’s way inside of you the object would quite literally rip your asshole. When it’s a true accident, it’s very clear due to the blood loss and whatnot

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9 points

Reminds me of the episode of Seinfeld when Frank gets a pasta statue stuck up his ass

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6 points

Million-to-one shot, doc!

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95 points

This sign is bullshit, I accidentally put my prostate massager in my butt all the time, sometimes twice in one day.

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30 points

You should try doing it on purpose at least once

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90 points

If i ever get something stuck up my ass while trying to pleasure myself and need medical help to remove it, I will absolutely try to come up with the most convoluted and ridiculous story for how it got there. Not out of embarrasment, but just to give the ER nurses a good laugh.

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16 points

Again?

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4 points

Daily

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67 points

who tf putting a key up there?

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66 points

Sorry, I thought it would unlock it so I could get all the other items out. Guess it was the wrong key though… ☹️

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19 points

Did you try jiggling it?

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25 points

No, it got stuck because it’s dark, so I had to look for it with my flashlight.

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3 points

It jingles when I fart. Also there’s this weird squeaky sound.

On an unrelated note, I can’t seem to find my rubber duckie…

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4 points

consider putting a magnet up there to get the key

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1 point

Sorry, lost the magnet in there as well…

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44 points

Where else can you store them while swimming?

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13 points

Ah the old prison wallet. Classic.

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17 points

I work in a ER and can assure you people high on meth put all sorts of crazy shit in their butt.

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17 points

Dare I ask, why? I mean obviously meth addicts aren’t known for their shrewd decisions in general, but is there some sensory or cognitive change in particular that compels them to put foreign objects in their butts more than say, alcoholics would?

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21 points

Mainly the intense drive for sexual stimulation on meth combined with disinhibition and just general bad decision making.

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4 points

Also curious. Possibly just sex / masturbation getting out of hand with intense stimulants, or maybe meth induced paranoia makes putting something in your ass for safe keeping seem reasonable… Meth heads generally aren’t hanging out in the safest conditions.

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1 point
*

Yes. Alcoholic beverages are generally legal, within sensible context and one’s local laws anyways. But meth and meth paraphenalia such as pipes are illegal practically everywhere. Which means it’s more likely to find a meth pipe up someone’s ass than a beer bottle.

Although this is a generalized assumption, I’m sure there are some daring people out there that have had larger things up there…

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4 points

I heard about a guy once, who was a POW, and his friend wanted him to keep a watch for his son so he shoved it way up there.

The reference for the younger among us.

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41 points

This sign was made by someone who’s never wiped with single-ply before.

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