Straight face only means I want to fight. Any kind of smiling is passive aggressive. Looking sad means I want to fight. And of course looking angry means I’m angry with you and specifically you and nothing else. The only way to Fix My Face is to just hide it entirely.
I really hate my ugly ass face for all other reasons, but being unable to order food in person without a cashier thinking I’m angry and willing to fight over the pettiest thing possible is the last straw.
I can’t wait until I don’t need to work anymore and I can just shut myself away from society and be a white vtuber or something. If I really want fast food then I’ll do no contact delivery so the deliverer doesn’t assume I’m angry at them for literally doing their job.
Can’t even apologize for bumping into someone without them assuming I’m angry that they’re in my very important way. Whoops, sorry, excuse me, doesn’t matter what I said, it’s passive aggressive and I want to fight.
Can’t say anything is fine or okay, can’t thank anyone, can’t wish them a nice day, can’t greet them, can’t say anything without it being taken aggressively. And not saying anything at all is silent treatment, or passive aggression.
Can’t thank anyone for a gift. Every holiday, I was “ungrateful” for everything. My smile was fake and the thank you was sarcastic. I hate holidays, birthdays, and gifts for that reason.
So many black women glorify this as “culture”. I might as well be the only black woman who isn’t petty, passive aggressive, or overly willing to fight someone. I really wish I had just died at birth since clearly something is wrong with me.
So many black women glorify this as “culture”. I might as well be the only black woman who isn’t petty, passive aggressive, or overly willing to fight someone.
You hate that people think black women are overly aggressive, but you think it yourself about other black women?
I’ve been called just about every term for a black person that’s white on the inside for NOT wanting to fight a fast food employee for forgetting sauce. Being polite is “acting white”. Not finding passive aggression cool is being a pick me. I’ve been othered from every primarily black female group I’ve been in.
wanting to fight a fast food employee for forgetting sauce
It’s incredibly telling that this statement proves not what colour your skin is, but which country you live in
If I moved out of the US would I be able to tell the cashier they forgot an item instead of exclusively ordering online and reporting through the app’s support chat or email? I wish I could just speak without sounding and looking hostile
People who make it their “culture” to be an asshole are the people to avoid.
No, there’s nothing wrong with you.
One of my close friends (originally online only) has a similar problem and early on she even got me thinking she was angry at me just from the harshness of her voice, but turns out that’s just kind of how she sounds and our group of friends accept her. She prefers her online persona, though, since she does hate herself and how she looks. I think she gets a lot of self loathing from her strict, stressed out single mom.
I think her online persona helps her get over it. A “white vtubers” in your case could maybe help get a load off. Give yourself some balance. There’s something to be said about online friendships since they often start with the written word, and once you find people who like you for who you are, it’s not hard to slowly explore your own self identity. It’s a long road out of self loathing, though, and I hope you can find people you can confide in as my friend found.
I’m sorry that this is how the world treats you. It’s not fair and you shouldn’t have to put up with it. Thank you for sharing, I’ll keep you in my thoughts.
I see this everywhere I go. I used to work a job that had a lot of black people along with other minority groups. I had three separate filipino people and one Indian person ask how I can talk so naturally with the black guy I talked with frequently there. I think one of them just had the hots for him, but the others asked if I don’t find him scary. Like what the actual fuck he’s easily one of the nicest guys I have met. We would talk tech daily and discuss things like how to make computers easier to use for our grandparents and prevent them from being scammed. But it kept happening. The job has high turnover so new people would come in and be scared of him for no reason. What the hell were they seeing that I wasn’t? I still don’t get it and I think about it a lot because he was like model level handsome with a natural smile that I would have thought nobody could ever distrust. I guess my childhood belief that good looking people had it easy was even more wrong than I thought.
I totally get you on the gifts thing though. I don’t visually express emotions like other people and have gotten to the point where I just tell people not to get me anything since I’m incapable of expressing gratitude whether it’s there or not. I really wish I had a solution here for both of us.
