I had a similar experience in middle school. It fucking sucked.
Anon shouldâve showered more often
Middle school kids he mighta done nothing wrong at all. Those kids at that age are terrors and will oust people from a friend group for the dumbest reasons imaginable.
Sucks because that person may have done everything right and years later still canât trust people or open up to them.
If there is even just a chance that others wouldnât understand, let alone disapprove you associating with kid X, you can accomplish 2 things by ousting them: 1. You get rid of the potential disapproval (wich is mostly just insecurity) 2. You help an ingroup getting rid of unambiguousness, by drawing/strengthening the border to the outgroup, while with the same move placing yourself on the inside.
I work with kids, and so far I think this is the objective rationality behind most or at least many acts of cruel exclusion.
The only long term, non authoritarian solution is the kids developing a moral compass, that makes violent exclusion more important to them than short term insecurity-management and of course beeing less insecure. (Plus the âweird onesâ often have fluffin interesting perspectives)
As we can see in comments like âshower moreâ even many adults didnât recover from the competitive-acceptance-bs other kids/their parents/ this fucked up society gave them.
Ok hol up. I had to read this 10 times. Reads like AI
Are you saying you think kids are quick to push otherness away because they themselves are insecure? And as a bonus, alot of them donât gain confidence even into adulthood?
kids developing a moral compass
Yeah, not happening. Iâve really tried, and the most effective thing is providing external consequences for undesirable behavior, as in loss of privileges. I was a pretty chill kid, and I canât say I had a properly working âmoral compassâ until my mid-20s, if that. I didnât bully anyone, but I was secretly happy when bad things happened to people I didnât like.
So yeah, stick with the first two, youâll probably have more success than trying to instill morality into kids who are still harboring resentment at not getting to pick the first slice of pizza last week.
I mean, it sucks that you pinned your hopes on your crush having to follow a social pressure to kiss/fondle/fuck/whatever the âforfeitâ for spin the bottle was in the first place.
It sucks that you had to go through that, but at what point does that declination of your advances suck less?
I mean, society has unfortunately favoured shitty games like âpull the bullâ and âpoke the bearâ over any sort of genuine attraction which has usually disadvantaged women anyway - thatâs not to turn it into a gender thing, but maybe the idea of sparking a relationship from a forced interaction sucks from the outset.
Anon didnât make up the rules, and I wouldnât wager that he was the one who decided to start that game. Everyone chose to play knowing they wouldnât be comfortable getting anon. It doesnât seem to me like anon made any advance at all. Rejecting someoneâs advances for whatever reason is not morally incorrect, nor is denying them physical displays of affection. But going up to someone unprompted and telling them you find them unattractive and wouldnât feel comfortable touching them is. This seem like an intermediate situation where they willingly and knowingly created a situation where they would have to do the latter. Refusing to kiss or touch anon wasnât the fault here, initiating the game was.
It sounds like he joined (sat down into) an existing game, which if this story was true, which it isnât, because itâs 4chan, would be pretty different?
Anon self pities instead of self reflecting and fails to grow because of it
I donât think that we have enough information to draw that conclusion. It is a legit horrible experience though. I canât imagine what it would be like.
Agreed. I think people who blame anon for being in pain fail to see the problem with the behavior of the selfish, stupid people at the party, which is ironic.
I can. Been there. Couple times. My foster brother and I used to hang out with a bunch of other kids from ages 8-14, and whenever someone had a bright idea for a game like that, completely unprompted would come âbut Iâm not kissing Dharmacurious.â Shut fucking hurt. I never asked to play those games, never tried to join in. Would try my best to excuse myself before someone suggested a game like that. I didnât have my first kiss until years and years and years after I lost my virginity, because I only ever did hookups with random strangers online, because I never felt like I was even capable of being desired in anyway other than a quick lay. Being ugly sucks. It truly, honestly does. I shower religiously, I brush my teeth (which, somehow, I still managed to get fucked in that department). Still, I send a picture online, blocked. Iâm not an Incel or anything, I donât think Iâm owed a damn thing, itâs just the reality of the situation. Iâm a fun, interesting person, with a good sense of humor, thick skin, intelligent, caring, loyal to a fault, and all the other things my shrink has helped me realize. But no one gets to know that, because there has to be some physical attraction for someone to want to get to that point. Canât fault em for that. But being a bridge troll is lonely, and it sucks. And up thread someone suggested they should shower. Thatâs a fucked up thing to say, you donât know their life. And I know green text=fiction, but this one rings fucking true for some of us.
Iâm sorry random Internet stranger. Kids are brutal and can surely crush anyoneâs ego without hesitation. And people telling you âto shower moreâ are just idiots with a nematodeâs mental capacity and the emotional spectrum of a black&white-tv thatâs out of black.
I donât know anything about your environment, but you will find that special someone. Most likely when you least expect it. With those mentioned qualities youâre a steal. I, personally, would totally prefer a bridge-troll (your words) with character and true values over any empty peacock. The older i got the more obvious that became.
I hope youâll find your lady. Everyone deserves to be loved. And your chances are way better being a troll than bring rich. Thatâs a positive hm? đ
As a kid I was the weird one. It wasnât my physical attraction, it was just my personality. Iâm adhd as fuck and maybe also autistic, so I was hyper around others and couldnât really read situations/know when to stop talking. I got excluded more times than I can count because of that stuff. These days it feels like my social âsuccessâ comes from me muting myself and not having a good time.
I canât say Iâve had the exact same experience, but I did get picked on by a bunch of âfriendsâ at a birthday party. Tried to play truth or dare and I was a really honest, open kid (mostly), so when it was my turn I said, âtruthâ and someone asked me if Iâd ever kissed a girl, and I said, ânoâ. They decided that I had to be lying so they asked me a different question, âhave I ever had a crush on a girlâ to which I also said, ânoâ. They didnât believe that either, and one of them jokingly asked, âhave you (me being AMAB) ever kissed a boy?â That was coming from a kid in a really conservative Christian family, and it caught me off-guard. The truth was that no, I had never kissed a boy either, but the question made me hesitate. They lept on that.
Honestly, kids can be horrible little creatures. They learn it from their parents, all those little prejudices that the grown ups hold but hold back on to be polite or to fit into changing worlds, they get magnified in children who donât know who and what and why, only that authority figures have taught them through their actions and the words they donât even realize the kids are paying attention to.