No gf, no friends, it’s hard to meet new people. Tinder and other apps don’t work. Idk even if I travel somewhere I’m alone
Sorry to hear you’re going through that, friend. How old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?
When you’re younger, loneliness can feel overwhelming, but as you get older, it tends to ease up naturally as you meet more people. I have a lot of friends, and my girlfriend is amazing, so I can’t complain. But honestly, sometimes I wish I had fewer people around so I could focus more and get things done.
I’m not trying to downplay what you’re dealing with—sometimes I even envy the quiet, since no one’s around to bother you!
I don’t have any solid advice, though. I’m a selfish prick, and I’ve always managed to have a pretty full social life. I have no idea what the solution is for ya.
But I’m glad you have Lemmy to at least share stuff with people.
Join a club or organization or volunteer somewhere. It has to be in person and you have to go even if at first you aren’t comfortable.
All the friends people make at school are happy accidents of proximity and chance. Same with coworker friends. You have to make some luck for yourself, put yourself in situations where you will regularly see the same people and get to know them through what you are doing.
Also, don’t focus on romance, focus on friendship. Romance will come naturally - not forced.
I know this does not come easy for most people in your situation. It feels stupid and awkward but chance and circumstances play a huge role in making friends.
Good advice, but from personal experience, romance does not come naturally.
I know that it’s not true for some people, but many people want love more than they want friends, and their constant seeking love cause otherwise simple friendships to get awkward and fizzle out.
Maybe, but to those who romance would appear naturally when in a friends group, they would not be in this position in the first place.
The biggest is living in a sparsely populated area without good (or at times, any) transportation options. Add in money and solitary-or-niche hobbies for good measure.
There is also probably a point to be made about not having previous luck with friends in school, or romance not once ever coming naturally.
Where do I find clubs? Been searching for an answer ever since the library in my city didn’t even have a bulletin board
Rural US will be a shitshow for it.
There should be one in most places people congregate for fun: rock gyms, state parks/NF orgs, community centers, sewing/hobby stores, sorts leagues, idk… Can’t hurt to literally call around. It’s super awkward but “hi i have an interest in this and want to know how i can get involved” usually has two possible answers: “Idk”, or “OH YEAH! Check out these resources!”
You can also try community colleges and sometimes universities. Clubs may be open to the public.
Well we can be all lonely, here, TOGETHER! 🤗
It’s not just loneliness, my friend. It’s a brutal cycle. A prophecy foretold, one that you’ll probably have to get up and break with some difficult to find laughter and energy in a social setting. This doesn’t necessarily mean go to places. Find a Discord group, for instance.
Hell, I started Jiu Jitsu 1. Because I need to lose weight and 2. Because I’d like to be around people at least some of the time when I’m not working.
I read this like you started Jiu Jitsu 1 because you needed to lose weight and Jiu Jitsu 2 (the sequel) to meet people.
ITT: Bunch of assholes telling you “have you tried to NOT having a cold” when your nose is clearly leaking.
If you don’t understand how it feels to be lonely, any advice you give is awful and full of entitlement.
Maybe it’s just my own bias, but I assumed the advice comes from people who have been or are lonely, and are talking about what helped them.
The worst depths of loneliness I’ve had were when I lived in a country where I didn’t speak the language well, and was in a tiny, tiny town. The way I got out of it was threefold. One was being kinder to myself. I indulged myself in just being alone. Watching movies on my laptop and trying my hand at creative writing, which I had always wanted to do, but hadn’t done. The second was getting into better physical shape. Even half assing it made me feel better: I’m a biologist so I can attest to the fact that one’s mental health improves with a little healthier physical body, if it’s possible. Finally…I just had to be comfortable being awkward. I was the bizarre foreigner who didn’t understand customs or the language, and even when I had assholes being kind of a jerk… Whatever! I just did my thing, went to social events as regularly as I could stomach (once a week ish), and was surprised at how after a month or so, things really did turn around. I found asking questions to be a way to get to know people and places. Other people love to talk and answer questions, even when you didn’t ask a question: as we’ve all seen in this thread.
None of that is to say it will work for everyone, or even anyone else… But I understand the pain of loneliness. So if sharing my experience can help anyone, please grant me some leniency if I’m being a tone deaf jerk, because that’s not my intent!
It’s true that I know most most of advices from this thread. I’m also know that I should to use them, and I try but it’s hard IRL. Sometimes I just break up like today and every answer to me is like getting in contact with some human. Satisfy some social need idk
I understand, sometimes you just need to scream and rant. It is a good thing.
When I get anxiety this hard, I usually take a very long walk until I get exhausted, so I could think for myself instead of hearing my subconscious how awful things are.
After taking a break, you’ll notice that this voice is always emotional, with 0 logic, full of exaggerated negativity, and will try to convince you that “this is how you die today”, which is pretty much bullshit and incredibly unrealistic. For me at least, that voice will always try focus on the worst in people. When I feel alone is pretty much this.
Sometimes I get a crazy though like telling me “you’re done, dead, there is no going back” for something so trivial as remembering I have to take the dog out tomorrow (not now or yesterday, tomorrow). There is no win unless you ignore it and push through. And even if you commit, it’s still fucking hard.
In the ADHD community, a lot of sound advice for building good habits and coping mechanisms overlaps a lot with “just don’t have ADHD” advice because the advice still works, even if it’s significantly harder to pull off with ADHD.
There’s less overlap for depression, but there still is some between sound advice and “just don’t be sad lol”.
I’m sure there’s some overlap in this case for lonliness.
One of the tough things about this stuff is that it is very easy to convince yourself that nobody understands what you’re going through, so when you don’t see immediate results from advice that means they’re just wrong and there’s nothing you can do. The most important piece of advice is to never give up.
All that said, if everyone in this thread is giving bad advice that shows they don’t understand, you’re implying that you do understand. So where’s your advice?
Or did you just comment to discourage people from trying to help and leave OP to suffer?
Or did you just comment to discourage people from trying to help and leave OP to suffer?
Sure dude, both discouraging people from “helping” (lol) and leaving OP to suffer are obviously the same thing. /s
First of all: OP didn’t ask for advice. Second: I’m discouraging people from giving bad advice.
I can relate to OPs suffering. I know is though, and I undestand on my own experience how OP feels. I know that the only solution for it’s like another commenter said: “get used to it”. OP probably knows this too.
With some projection from me, I can assume he’s only trying to rant over this, thats why OP asked said it on this sub. That’s why he hasn’t answered other comments beside hobbies. OP is trying to relate to people this way.
So when people show up full of self-indulgence thinking “OP NEEDS MY ADVICE”, then it’s clear those comments are more for themselves than for OP. So congrats, you’ve given yourselves a pat on the back. If that’s your attitude, you can fuck off.
