I posted a day or 2 ago about me and my friend going through it a bit. To sum up: The situation is largely resolved, we had a long in-depth talk about things and cleared the air, we’re still close friends.
It’s just that, during the course of our conversation I told him he’s my closest friend and asked if I was his…and he said no. He said I was close, but not the closest.
I didn’t ask who was, though I think I know. And if that person is indeed the one, I suppose I get it. He lost his mom and my friend helped him through it, and few things bring people closer than overcoming tragedy, which our friendship has largely been free of. This person is a good guy.
I know it seems petty, and I’m trying not to let it bother me, but ngl, no matter how much I try to logic it away in my mind: It hurts.
It hurts to know I’m no one’s #1 friend, and maybe no one’s #1 anything.
why are you counting in the first place?
I was personally able to make peace with this a few years ago.
We are only ever the centre of one universe.
Friendship and relationships are not a leaderboard. You aren’t lesser just because you haven’t achieved “#1”, which is an unhealthy way to think of other peoples closeness with you
It’s definitely not a contest, and friendship isn’t something you should quantify
This is a common ND experience and stems from a lack of positive meaningful relationships. Not like… none, but way less than we need.
I partly blame this on a lack of community. In modern society, everyone is expected to separately maintain friendship networks, which involves a lot of time and energy, rather than being part of mutually supportive communities, which take substantially less time and energy.
That being said, try to push the idea of relationship hierarchy from your mind. Relationships ebb and flow and everyone’s got their own shit going on.
I have been in your specific shoes for a bit now. That is, the realization that you are nobody’s best friend. Yes you know you shouldn’t be fretting about it, since you have other friends who care about you, but at the same time, there is that missing piece where, it hurts knowing that, in your circle of friends, none of them consider you a priority in terms of friendship, only one that is a secondary friend.
It hurts when your friends have little time for you when they are too busy with their best friends, or with a romantic partner, to spend time with a secondary friend like me.
