My parents were in an arranged marriage in China, they argue like every week. They are toxic af.
I wonder if people who freely choose their partners have less toxic families… 🤔
They chose one another, and are toxic af. They argued constantly, my mom physically, mentally, and emotionally abused me all my childhood and still tries.
Shortly after I was born, my dad bought a small adobe house 18 miles from town, it had 1 pull string light and one plug socket in each room. There was no bathroom, and no indoor plumbing when we moved into it. My mom grew up in NYC and could not cope with this. Everything my dad did he did for the betterment of the family, my mother saw anything not directly for her as a slight against her.
The fighting and abuse got so bad I used to try to get my dad together with my friends with single mothers moms.
Mom mother finally moved out of the house a few years ago. It has been the best thing for their relationship.
They chose each other and they’re good people.
My wife asked my mom what made her decide to marry my dad - which is something I never thought to ask - and my mom said that nobody else asked her. They’ve been together now for 49 years or something.
My mom chose all four of her husbands, leaving each one for the next - except for the last, who she was with until he died of Alzheimer’s.
After my mom, my dad married a woman he’s been with since. They’re perfect for each other.
According to my mom, her last husband was “the one.” She was with him longer than the other three, combined, and by all accounts they were good happy together. I didn’t know him that well; they married long after I’d left home and was moving around the world living my own life.
I wonder if people who freely choose their partners have less toxic families… 🤔
Hahahahahahahahahaha… No.
My parents chose each other. My father is an awful uneducated narcissist snd my mother is deep down a good person who was a terrible parent because she was similarly uneducated and lived in fear of everything and looked only to religion for answers. It sucked. I have boatloads of mental health issues snd resentment about it all. A lot of the time I wish I had just been aborted.
People are wrongly assuming that more people = more good.
That’s however not how it works. What matters is the quality of life, not the quantity. Lots of people choose to have children that they simply cannot take good care of, and that sucks. I’m sorry for your situation
However please do not resent your life over your parent’s mistakes. Your parent’s mistakes are your parent’s mistakes and not yours. If anything, feel spite for/against them, but not against yourself. Hate the system that caused the circumstances, not yourself.
Hate the system that caused the circumstances, not yourself.
Oh I do, and I hate that my parents are fully bought into that system and prioritized it over supporting me. Literally my whole life I have been made to feel less important than my mothers fucking house. I literally said to her recently that I was the only person paying attention to what was going on and she was so concerned with dying comfortably in her six bedroom fucking house that could be ten bedrooms if she had ever improved it that also has a fucking pool and a massive plot of undeveloped land that she lived in all alone that she never noticed our country was getting taken over by fucking Nazis. It was literally a choice to live beyond her means and never, ever have the ability to help me other than just barely keeping me off the streets. As I’ve said to her while she was busy playing fucking Barbie Dream House and teaching her dumbfuck daughter to do the same I was realizing how politically fucked we are for the last twenty five years. I was voting and getting involved while she checked out because she needed to play house so god damned bad. She said she was doing it for her grandchildren (because fuck me right for being too poor to have kids while my sister shat out some rugrats without a plan) but if she had ever given a shit about anyone’s future but her own maybe she would have gotten her ass out and fucking voted. Also she will probably lose the house to old age care and no one, especially not her fucking grandkids, will benefit from any of it except her. I’m so glad you got your dream house and I’ll probably die on the streets you selfish cunt.
My dad was somehow even worse and lived up to every terrible stereotype of a Use Car Salesman you can imagine, and then some.
My parents ostensibly chose each other, but it’s really more like my mother preyed upon my father. He’s a bit younger than her, not as educated, was shy and not overly ambitious, and perfect for her campaign of modeling someone into what she wanted. My aunt says he used to have a great group of buddies back in the 60s when they met, and one by one she weeded them out of his life and replaced them with people she thinks had higher social status. This tape has recycled itself routinely throughout their lives as she discards someone and finds someone new to glom onto for a while and try and be them. She has him totally under her thumb, and she’s a vicious monster who regards other humans like furniture she rearranges.
People didn’t know much about borderline personality disorder in the 60s when they met, and he’s too shy and unable to defend himself, and while they do squabble, she always wins. He has very little insight into how toxic she is, and goes along with all her psychotic shit, like how nobody can use a bathmat and you can just slip and slide on the wet floor, or how you can’t keep the toaster or kettle on the counter and have to put it immediately back in the cupboard burning hot, because her narcissism means everything has to look like a museum.
He dated some woman before her, just a girl really, who was chubby I guess, and my mother spent one dinner with extended family joyfully insulting this woman, who he last laid eyes upon probably 40 years prior, and asking him repeatedly with vicious gleeful delight if he remembered “the ball”, meaning this chubby girl. My spouse wanted to clock her in the teeth. We were all just kind of numb to her behavior then and tried to ignore it, but not long after I awoke to who she really was and haven’t seen them since. It’s sad, but she regards me as a piece of lost property really, and I don’t think there’s a good enough therapist in the world to wake him up to how dangerous she is.
