“do what you want to me” is my least favourite dirty talk. The base idea is that we both currently WANT to do the same dirty rough sex but for some reason we’re not doing it. What makes her think he’s NOT doing what he wants right now? What if he’s a for fetishist and wants to put her foot in his mouth and jerk off? What if he just wants her to eat his ass?
Clearly “do what you want to me” doesn’t mean do what you want to me. “do what you want to me” means “I have a specific type of rough sex in mind but I’m not able to express my desires clearly, so I’ve projected them into my partner and I’ve made it their responsibility to understand me and do the right type of sex stuff to me”
I know this is basically an unhinged response to a greentext but I’ve had so many bad experiences with that specific line. Is wanting clear communication before and during sex about the sex we’re about to perform too much to ask for?
I’m very sex positive and my partners have been too, so I don’t really have this issue, but I think porn has really affected both heterosexual men and women’s perception of sex. You hear it from the female perspective a lot where men just start hitting or choking them during sex, but there’s a cultural undercurrent of the opposite experience where women will try and take a guys hand to her throat and apply pressure because for some reason asking to be choked is weird but that isn’t. Both men and women are seeing rough sex portrayed in porn and assuming that’s the sex everyone wants/is having. In reality, it’s dangerous to do breathplay with an inexperienced partner and that’s not something you just spring on them. I think sex is still a taboo subject and people need to get more comfortable speaking about it. I think the idea of enthusiastic consent and how it incorporates into foreplay is often the deciding factor in how an encounter goes, but often neither party knows how to engage in it.
Enthusiastic consent is so sexy! I also love open scene planning beforehand for kinkier sex so that everyone gets what they want out of it and avoid things they don’t want.
A lot of people still find both unsexy and think sex should both be purely spontaneous AND meet all their kinks somehow.
Yes, those are exactly the things that should be happening.
I think the aversion to it is often that it’s not incorporated into the foreplay itself. For more serious things it should be completely separate so that there’s no question what is part of the the play and not, but imho for casual sex there’s less of a need to have a sit down discussion about it. I’m a woman though, so I get that it’s easier for me to say than for a man to say. It sucks because a lot of that onus is put on the person coded as masc/dom in more casual settings, but that’s just the reality of it. I think if more masc/dom coded people incorporated it into their casual sex it’d be less taboo much faster. I don’t think femme/sub coded people are going to be able to push it and still feel like they’re inhabiting the space they want to, so I don’t know if we’ll see a lot of cultural movement unless heterosexual men start to champion this idea of incorporating consent into foreplay.
A little off topic, but do you know of a kink community on Lemmy? Not porn, more just to talk about it/share resources, etc.
Right on the head, I’ve had a woman try to tell me to be rougher and take what I want.
Sure, right after you sign a fucking waiver - I’m not about to ‘take what I want’ and have you turn around and claim I forced you into something.
Do all women secretly want to be raped?
Seriously. It might be a genetic primate thing. Built in.
#NotAllWomen but the ones who do like it rough often have fantasies that involve losing power and agency over what their partner does. Hence roleplaying rape and “do what you want to me”. However, sometimes they do have a script in their head and don’t like it when the partner deviates from that script because they just want to play at losing control, not actually lose it.
Then, if they haven’t agreed on a safe word beforehand, which they haven’t because we’re talking about people who don’t communicate properly, it turns into a confrontation.
No.
I remember a fellow thespian explaining it as a perverse take on being desired. It was hot for her that she seemingly turned [her partner] on so much that he did anything he could to access her. She then went on to say that if it was a stranger, and if she could tell they did it because of her allure, she believed she could forgive them. I quit that troupe soon after for unrelated reasons.
I should probably break out the alt account but whatever. No of course not all but probably more of us like it rough than guys do, judging by the comments. One of the best things about getting older, sex-wise, is old guys have stamina and find it harder to get off so can do harder for longer so that I too can get off. I think it’s fair to say that because the stimulation from PIV is indirect (compared to direct clitoral stimulation) in my experience it can work better to be more physically forceful with it.
“Do what you want with me/have your way with me” is not a sexy thing to say though. It sounds like a bad romance novel thing. “What do you want/need?” or “harder please, slower please” you can say what you need without feeling too bossy, if feeling bossy is a turnoff.
Oh, so “Do what you want to me” doesn’t mean put her feet in my mouth and jerk off? But that’s what I want.
I think this is really a just communication thing: I’m with someone that says “do what you want”, and I’ll say it myself too, but we’ve been together long enough that there’s an implicit understanding of what that phrase means.
The point is that it’s a turn on to feel desired, even more so when you can just “give up control” and they’ll still do something you like. My experience is that the whole “do what you want” thing isn’t something you say to turn on your partner so much as yourself. Specifically, when I say it, it’s a way of communicating what I want (because of the mutual understanding of what it means) while keeping the pretense that I’m giving up all control (which turns me on). Likewise, when my partner says it, I know what she wants me to do, but keeping the pretense that I’m in complete control is a turn on for both of us.
Of course, this kind of mutual understanding has been built up over time, and I wouldn’t recommend communicating like this in a fresh relationship or one night stand.
Well, I assume the girlfriend knew the guy REALLY liked Ol’ Reliable, right? In this case, screaming “do what you want to me,” while clearly indicating a desire for something else, has been 100% respected.
If you want something different, say it specifically. Our pee pees are touching, kinda’ late for being Victorian about it…
Should have called her a fuckin retard
Totally fake, and gay. Anon never has sex, and if they did, it would be up their own ass
That being said, old man babbling incoming
Why people gotta always want the crazy shit? Like, can we not just have some nice, gentle, loving sex more often? Why we all gotta pretend there’s a camera on and be all contorted and have things shoved in our ears and shit?
Like, motherfuckers, put on some Barry White and get your slow jam on. Get some deep, grinding, balls up against them fucking going. Let that fucking fire build up until you both melt into each other.
I ain’t saying to never get your pound on! Nah, as long as your partner is up for it, play big daddy jackhammer. But gods damn, that ain’t a fucking fleshlight you’re inside of, and that ain’t a giant dildo you’re riding. It’s a person, explore that motherfucker, get that deep fucking going on. And I don’t mean where the dick is knocking on the cervix and wanting in, I mean feel that shit, feel every inch sliding in and out of that steamy goodness.
See, you do that kind of fucking, when one or both of you get to the climax, that shit comes out of your soul. You want that shit to be mind altering, where you’re seeing dragons fucking and unicorns rearing against alien skies and shit.
You the one with the dick, you fuck that pussy like you love it, like it’s the most precious thing in the world. You the one with that pussy, you wrap that thing up in your hot and salty goodness and hug it tight like it just got home from the war.
Make love with that shit
i mean yes but people should also be allowed to express their love in whatever ways they and their partner find appealing. If their version of love making is a hardcore bdsm scene involving pegging, pet-play, piss-play and some kink we’ve never heard of but has an underground scene of thousands, who am I to say that that act to them is what sensual love making is to you?
i mean don’t get me wrong, I do like an old-fashion so to speak, but other people like different things, and that should be ok.
Assuming the green-text is true, or even if it is just as a story to bring across the point, the notion is that “do what you want with me” is implied to be some of the “hardcore” things rather than the possibility of anon just wanting sensual intimacy.
The critique is that the assumption of everyone wanting “hardcore” things is just false. And frankly a lot of people do make themselves suffer by trying to adhere to this porn idea of sex, instead of allowing themselves to be sensual.
I’m sure you have sex real good etc etc, but honestly, a lot of heterosexual men do not have sex real good. Your conception of “loving sex” is fine and all, but often penetration alone is not pleasurable enough for women, especially if their partner is inexperienced or if neither party is familiar enough with the woman’s anatomy to find an angle that’s more stimulating. I’m not saying rough sex is the answer, but a lot of women think “boring sex” is bad because their partner is doing the technical aspects of what you’re saying “long, slow strokes” but neither party is able to make that as pleasurable for the woman involved. Male anatomy (in general) can enjoy a wider variety of stimulation than female anatomy and slowing things down can be really great for both parties, but in my experience requires more work for the female party to enjoy it to the same extent. Again, just my experience, but long and slow can easily turn into a version of starfishing with an inexperienced partner.
but often penetration alone is not pleasurable enough for women
God, but this needs more awareness. There have even been studies of women’s orgasm where they showed large gaps between penis in vagina only (lowest), penis in vagina AND man’s hand rubbing, penis in vagina AND woman’s hand rubbing, and penis in vagina AND man’s hand rubbing being guided by woman’s hand. The numbers were so far apart that it just blows my mind that anyone thinks penis in vagina alone is enough.
Yessss. The orgasm gap in general is so real and guys (not talking about OP specifically but just in general) are all like “this makes pp feel good so why you no cum yet?” Absolute zero fucks given about their female partners. Some women enjoy penetration and can cum from that alone, but I’ve had female partners that have lots of toys but no dildos because “why even bother” and that’s so valid. Solo female masturbation is 9/10 in my experience clitoral, so idk why guys struggle to understand that in and out is only going to do so much for most women.
But you know how these wanton harlots are, enjoying things outside of missionary with their husband for the sole purpose of procreation. Disgusting! Brides of satan the lot of them.
Eh, my SO prefers PIV only. When I get the hands involved, they’re over-stimulated. The best situation for us is PIV + hands on breasts, and bring that to pound town.
I was pretty surprised by this, since I’ve read online that many women actually don’t like PIV that much. But after some experimentation, pound town it is 90% of the time (though I’ll mix it up with some slow, sensual stuff to get them worked up before the main event).
The most important thing is to communicate.
My SO and I have experimented with most of that, and it turns out, pound town is the best option for my SO, and my little member is happy to oblige.
Try different things, communicate about what works, and don’t always do the thing you both prefer, because variety is the spice of life. And hey, maybe that thing you tried a few years ago and didn’t like is interesting again (e.g. SO is liking being on top more now that they have more stamina from regular exercise). People change, just make sure to communicate and back down if it’s not working.
On yeah, you like that you fucking retard!?