Sure, us Americans are obviously delusional, but can we talk about the fact that almost half of all brits think they would lose to a goose? They’re 20 pounds, have no teeth or claws, and their bones are hollow. Have a little confidence, guys, I’m sure you can take poultry in a fight.
Less than 80% of people think they could take on a rat in a life or death battle. You could literally pass out and fall on it and probably crit it.
Almost half of Brits might not be as able-bodied as you might imagine.
I’m more interested in the rat fight, because I had my fair share of mouse encounters and rats are bigger, more dangerous and just as quick.
I mean, Americans have huge obesity rates, but apparently, nearly 20% of us think we can take a chimp. I’m sure a rat couldn’t kill me, but I have no idea how I would catch one with my bare hands, so that feels like a draw to me.
Have you ever been attacked by one of those demon spawns? They will not stop attacking you, you can boot it and it will just get up and continue, I’d rather fight a kangaroo, at least when you punch one of them in the face they back off, goose just gets angrier.
I had a goose come at me once. I held my jacket open like it was a giant set of wings and he ran like hell. I was not impressed.
Yeah, but you crack one right in the face and they second guess you, they’re lower body fighters.
Like, I’m not talking about fighting a big red kangaroo that’s built like Brock Lesnar, just your normal grey kangaroo.
But even then those Brock Lesnaroos don’t like getting punched in the face.
Only punch one if they start it tho, which they probably will, but don’t be a dick.
And the fight would be harder than against a cat.
Wtf are those people smoking? Have they ever seen a domesticated cat in severe distress??
Look at all this shocking overconfidence.
Meanwhile, over in reality, Billy Big Balls is getting the tendon in his ankle severed in 0.3 seconds while screaming like a banshee and falling down. The only reason people look at even the high-percentage animals this way is that, 100% of the time in daily life, they have no interest in fucking you up for real.
Edit: Actually, there is one exception: I firmly believe the average person could fuck up a goose if they committed to it. Geese are pushy assholes with surprisingly sharp beaks and humans don’t really like getting in life or death struggle with any organism, by and large, but I’ve seen a person seize a goose by the neck and the goose in question wasn’t so intimidating after that happened.
I was about to say that people seem extremely under confident about geese.
Yeah. They are scary, sure, but I think a lot of it is that they are clearly very fragile also, and so people are faced with either just letting themselves get bullied or else becoming a monster who’s stomping on this tiny carcass and most people opt for option A.
A couple (as in male and female) lived next to a bus stop I had to use for a while, I had to fight the male off a few times, my goal was never to hurt it, a few swings with a heavy bag filled with books and it wouldn’t insist. I don’t know if it’s bullying but I didn’t see it as gratuitous violence, I also wouldn’t welcome large animals in my home…
As long as you’re okay with getting bitten and scratched to hell, the “shove your arm down its throat and suffocate it to death” method is surprisingly effective.
https://people.com/human-interest/travis-kauffman-mountain-lion-attack/
https://apnews.com/general-news-92375ef965ef46a69d9d65a4c4fc2645 (tbf, the bear fled in this case)
Any reason you shouldn’t just break its neck? I mean, grab the neck near the head, jerk it very fast in any direction a gew times and you’ve turned an angry goose into a nonissue.
The problem is getting the neck in the first place.
You’ve got wings flapping in your face, making it hard to use your eyes. They’re likely to be pecking and kicking too, since if they’re really coming at you, they’re going to use everything they have in hopes of scaring you off.
So targeting a neck that’s moving, when you have to do it by feel sp you don’t take eye damage takes a bit of “luck” because some part of the grab attempt is going to be almost impossible to predict. The neck is moving, the body is moving, so where you think you should grab might not be where you think it is.
Source : have been sent running a few times while fishing, and the fuckers are hard to grab.
I have a rooster now, and he used to get frisky in his “teenage” hormone laden time. Even grabbing all of him was difficult until I had some familiarity with how he moves. Most people are only going to run into an angry goose a few times their entire life, so that lack of practice makes it harder than it would seem as well
chimpanzee would rip you the fuck apart, more than a gorilla
If people knew more about chimpanzees, they’d be right down there with bears and elephants. I would 100% prefer to take on a wolf or a kangaroo, taking Aussies at their word about how insane roos are, over a chimp. The chimp probably has just as high a K/D as the bear or elephant, but it’s going to teabag you while wearing the face it ripped off your skull before you go out.
Kangaroos do this move where they try to kick the balls off their male opponents. No thanks.
At the same time people also murder the fuck out of chimps with fairly primitive tools and have for a long time, what chimps really got on us is that crazy murder energy that you only really see in humans with the aid of PCP. Wouldn’t wanna fight one but in theory its about equivelent to fighting an unbelivably pissed off human.
14 May 1805: Narrow Escape
One of their most harrowing experiences with a grizzly occurred on 14 May 1805, on the bank of the Missouri River between the Milk and Musselshell rivers. Clark wrote:
Six good hunters of the party fired at a Brown or Yellow Bear Several times before they killed him, & indeed he had like to have defeated the whole party, he pursued them Seperately as they fired on him, and was near Catching Several of them one he pursued into the river, this bear was large & fat would way about 500 wt
Lewis described the climax of the incident:
he pursued two of them seperately so close that they were obliged to throw aside their guns and poucnes and throw themselves into the river altho’ the bank was nearly twenty feet perpendicular; so enraged was this animal that he plunged into the river only a few feet behind the second man he had compelled to take refuge in the water, when one of those who still remained on shore shot him through the head and finally killed him.
When they butchered the animal, they found that a total of eight rifle balls had entered its body in different directions.
https://lewis-clark.org/sciences/mammals/bears/grizzly-bear-encounters/
You will not beat a grizzly bear unarmed. You might not beat a grizzly bear armed.
I love that the original word for bear has been lost to the annals of time because it was feared that saying the word for bear out loud would summon a bear and that was instant total party kill for everybody involved.
Bears are the original boogie men.
On another etymological note, we have no idea where the word “dog” comes from.
When I visited Yellowstone, I found a clearing that recently had a bear in it. Grizzly or not, there was a claw mark about 7ft up on a pine tree, and there were peels of bark hanging down the tree. That bear casually peeled the bark off the tree with the same effort you could peel a cucumber with a peeler.
