when I think of the word “fetish” I’m thinking about people who are into feet, bdsm, femdom, cuckolding or MDLB. Not someone who just finds X ethnicity more attractive on average than any other ethnicity. Nobody for example is going to say to a white man that he has a white girl fetish simply because he finds white women more attractive on average than any other ethnicity. Because it’s completely understandable that most people prefer to date with their own ethnicity. But the minute that white man finds a black women more attractive on average suddenly that’s fetishization. It’s completely ridiculous.
My understanding of fetishizing is that it has little to nothing to do with physical characteristics, but is instead determined by stereotyping.
Saying you have a preference, even a strong preference, for physical traits that are more often, or even exclusively, found in a certain group is simply what you’re attracted to. Saying you prefer partners from “X” group because (insert list of stereotypes) is fetishizing.
For one example, consider the language that incels and people looking for “trad” partners use. They talk about preferring certain ethnic groups because they think all women from those groups are submissive, more feminine, adhere to traditional gender roles, etc., that’s fetishizing.
I think its one of those spectrum things. Preference <—> Fetish.
If you are interested in the person as well as the attribute, its probably more on the preference end, but if all you care about is the attribute, that’s when it strays into fetishisation?
Also matters how you express the preference. If your tinder profile says “women of colour only”, thats gonna come across more creepy than if you left that out, and just matched with whoever you found attractive.
I like your explanation. I think its like anything else. Is it a fetish to be a boob man or a but man or to like them big or small? To like athletic or lavashish? I think it comes down to how absolute it is. Its like on the ones side its hey I prefer so your sorta gonna get some points for features I like and on the other is like I will only date people who are or have X or something.
It’s only a fetish if it becomes the primary (or only) source of arousal. Having preferences isn’t a fetish. I am pansexual, but lean more toward preferring men. This does not mean I fetishize men.
I always had a thing for certain traits and features often associated with Asian women (no, not the Hollywood kind of Asian women). It doesn’t mean I 'm looking at Asian women with lust in my eyes nor that those traits are exclusive to ‘Asian women’… whatever that means. I mean, I’m French and there is no such thing as a French woman or man.
For me, it just means that very early on (aka, I was still a little boy) I felt more attracted to those traits than to others and I could find them more frequently associated with ‘Asian women’. Where does this attraction comes from? No idea, it just is.
And in case anyone is wondering, nope my spouse is not Asian and we’ve been doing fine for the 25 years and counting we’ve been together ;)
