when I think of the word “fetish” I’m thinking about people who are into feet, bdsm, femdom, cuckolding or MDLB. Not someone who just finds X ethnicity more attractive on average than any other ethnicity. Nobody for example is going to say to a white man that he has a white girl fetish simply because he finds white women more attractive on average than any other ethnicity. Because it’s completely understandable that most people prefer to date with their own ethnicity. But the minute that white man finds a black women more attractive on average suddenly that’s fetishization. It’s completely ridiculous.
I think it is a fetish when it becomes the central and most important part of sexual attraction. If I as a Latino only see attractive, let’s say, Asians women, and I only focus on Asians women and I’m only looking to date Asians women, I’m ferichizing them.
(And just in case, no, I don’t have an obsession with Asians women. I find Latinas and Black women more attractive).
It is not “natural” to prefer one ethnicity over another. That’s because ethnicity isn’t a material condition that evolution could adapt to in any meaningful way.
Not to say that ethnicity isn’t meaningful as such. Boarders, sovereignty, and money are also abstract constructs that effect great influence over our lives.
My only 2 serious dating relationships were with Asian women. I don’t really have my own social circle, so theirs became mine.
My best friend is from Vietnam/Cambodia, my other friends are her family and social circle.
To people looking at me from the outside, it looks like I have a preference or even fetish for Asian people. But for me that’s simply not true. My friends happen to be Asian, my past dating life happened to be with Asian women. But that doesn’t define me. Though, due to the stereotype of the White man with “yellow fever”, it would seem that it were so. I don’t give a fuck what people think, so it does not affect me.
I don’t date women anymore, and have only had encounters with Black and White men. It’s just how things have gone, which is fine with me; I go with the flow.
To have a preference for a certain race or ethnicity is not problematic. To have a dating profile that says “X’s only”, is a red flag at best. I’d avoid anyone who says “White Trans Only”. Even though that is who I am, I wouldn’t want to be with someone who sees me as less than a person and more of an object for their desires. Life is too short to limit oneself to only a certain type of person, whether it be race, ethnicity, or other immutable trait. I’d like to think that my future mate will like me for my personality and lived experiences. If they happen to also like me because of what I look like, that’s fine too.
I think part of the problem is the use of terms that are so broad that it becomes racist.
Let’s say you are an american with irish roots. You are “white” but you are not the same “white” as an american with Finnish roots. If you were to say that you are attracted to black women, what does that mean? Does it mean you are attracted to dark skin? How dark? South sudan dark or namibia dark? Are you talking about facial features? Body shapes?
Point is, saying that you are attracted to black women is a sign that what you actually mean is that you have an idea in your head of what features “black” women have and then assuming that it is true for all black women, which is racist.
I don’t know if I’d be so quick to jump to racism for that. I think most people see an attractive person and think “damn, they’re hot”. If after a while they find themselves thinking this about a particular group more than others they’ll start thinking they have a thing for that group.
I think it’s creepy when people get super specific about the range of skin tone, nose, eye shape, hair texture, etc. that they like. When someone has a detailed list like that I find it objectifying, like they’re selecting options on a car (or sex doll).
Maybe the person in your example does have a thing for Namibian women. But unless they asked invasive questions about every striking woman they encounter I don’t think they’d ever realize it unless they’re from the region.
Add to that the specific example of someone from the U.S. where ancestry can be mixed and uncertain. The person from your example might think they’ve died and gone to heaven if they ever visit Namibia but walking around an American city I think they can forgiven for just thinking they like black women.
No, that’s not a fetish.
People only call that a fetish because of ingrained racism.
They think interracial dating is somehow abnormal or unnatural, which is how they land on the term “fetish”.
I.E. someone is telling on themselves when they suggest that interracial dating is a fetish.
