Looking expectantly at the glass, mopping perspiration from my brow, licking my lips? A hard, grinning stare directly at the server? Eyes downcast, my hands lying dejectedly in my lap?

72 points
*

Staring at the shaker nodding your head. When they pour, get eye level with the bar and follow the drink level up with your whole head. Make a whistle increasing in pitch as you do this. Pretend to eat the bar like an ear of corn when you get to mouth level. Take the drink in both hands at eye level when leaving the bar. Say “you too” as you depart as if incorrectly responding to “enjoy your drink” even though they didn’t even say that.

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10 points

Excellent form, this is my new model to aspire to.

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7 points

Exactly right. I think this was straight from Emily Post about bar etiquette.

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25 points

At the wall plug so you can unplug the server as fast as possible before the drink it just poured destroys the hardware

… I’ll see myself out

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2 points

What if it’s a cloud server?

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1 point

You’re outside during a thunderstorm, you should go inside

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18 points

Directly at my groin, please. It’s the best way to show appreciation for my service.

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4 points

Absolutely, sir or madam, I wish to display my utmost respect.

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7 points

If you’re unsure which it is, you’re not staring hard enough.

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14 points

Grab the glass as the server is pouring the drink and then guzzle as much as you can.

Set the glad back down and tell them “you may now continue”

After they pour the rest, complain that they shorted you and your demand a refill for free.

Start going into convulsions when they say that’s not possible.

Run to the exit when they go get the manager.

Re-enter the establishment and claim that you’ve never been here before when they inevitably try to refuse your entry.

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6 points

Another day at work for me.

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10 points

I don’t know where you should look, but clapping rapidly while they are pouring your drink, while shouting “Encore, encore!”, should dissipate the awkwardness.

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