Hi my fellow Lemmy users! It’s been a while since I used this platform and boy did I actually miss you all ❤️
It’s just that I’ve been more so focusing on myself in my career and in my own education. So I graduated back in June and man it sure does feel like a lifetime ago already. Settled in a good paying job and still trying to improve myself wherever I can.
This brings us to the question that I wanted to ask everyone here. As I’ve been very focused on academics and career stuff I never had the opportunity to date and I’ve been rejected very frequently (which is to be expected as a man tbh). I haven’t been able to lose weight and that I’m 25 years old.
I know that’s still pretty young but I still feel so behind on dating tbh. Is it still too late for me to find someone I want to be with after I’ve lost weight? Does losing weight help for men as it does for women? I’ve been trying to join meetups, volunteering (just to meet new people tbh) and really put myself out there. It’s just idk like all my friends are committed and I’m just floating around life whilst focusing on my career.
Definitely not too late! But definitely not easy, either! But having the right perspective can help a lot. I never got into online dating personally but it is an option there.
My main recommendation is honestly in local events and hobby type gatherings. That, and the important friends of friends. Your friends surely know other people who know people who are interested in something you like - all it takes is a couple social gatherings and making the right connections. It’s important to not look at dating overall as this monumental task that will be some achievement, but rather dating is a path to experience the frivolity of life and the events we put on together! I’ve always felt that you shouldn’t be dating explicitly to “find the one”, but rather it is the opportunity to go out and have fun, hang out with friends, make new ones. Live the events that you get to experience :)
Granted, I’m a social person and I do like going out but mostly on my own terms, I definitely recharge with alone time. My experience also is in a very populated area, so I can’t really speak to smaller towns and the like, but generally it seems like building a habit from something you enjoy be it a food/drink place or game/store place. Consistency is comfort and comfort is appealing :) things like that can help if you find yourself as someone who doesn’t feel as comfortable in larger spaces like that. But a few reminders: it’s not imposing to exist and there’s no such thing as butting in on a conversation (so long as you don’t derail it). If there’s a circle, join it! If there’s a lull, comment! And don’t be afraid to be a planner! Brunches, game nights (lots of fun old board games for $1-3 at thrift stores), invite your friends and the new people you connect with!
These are my social butterfly tips and tricks to having fun and making friends :) I feel that it makes any potential romance even more sweet because the person isn’t some prize or goal, they just are someone who you met doing something you love. I think that’s an important distinction when looking for dating tips, it makes it so gamified and almost fake. That’s part of why I never tried online dating - met some nice people on friends style apps but there’s also a lot of scams so… Meh. Although, if you were part of something like a midwest.social lemmy (just as an example) then you could also try meetups since local is more likely.
But personally, I’m a friends of friends events person - although I ended up with my crush from middle school not in this fashion so you never know!
You are certainly not to old for anything, except youth sports, kiddie meals.
On losing weight - I don’t think it’s a requirement to be attractive, plenty of people don’t care. But I have heard enough stories about partners being distressed when their boyfriend/girlfriend lost weight - the lifestyle can get out of synch if you get healthy and they don’t. So if you know that’s what you are going to do in the next year or two, I would say at least get started and establish the lifestyle you will need so that it’s not a shocking change to anyone you are dating.
And yes, being more conventionally attractive will increase your potential pool of partners but like I put in another comment - looks are an asset but only open doors, nothing else. Once you are through that door, everything else about you is what matters.
I had some friends who got married and started their family at 40 years old. You’re fine.
No it’s not too late, you’re only 25, that’s pretty young. Yes other people have started dating much younger, but in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter much. Focusing on yourself and your career and education can be attractive to others, so don’t worry about having “wasted time” or anything. Losing weight if you’re overweight helps, same with gaining weight if you’re underweight. Just be sure that the primary focus is health and ignore all the unrealistic body standards in movies and on social media. You’re doing well to put yourself out there, don’t worry about your friends, I’m sure you’ll find someone single that wants to have a relationship soon. You seem to be on the right track, so don’t worry. Avoid all the weird dating advice on the internet, it’s not helpful.
You’re only 25, of course you will date. Weight loss is not a barrier to meet people, but if you want to work on that, intermittent fasting works well with many people.
