Hi my fellow Lemmy users! It’s been a while since I used this platform and boy did I actually miss you all ❤️
It’s just that I’ve been more so focusing on myself in my career and in my own education. So I graduated back in June and man it sure does feel like a lifetime ago already. Settled in a good paying job and still trying to improve myself wherever I can.
This brings us to the question that I wanted to ask everyone here. As I’ve been very focused on academics and career stuff I never had the opportunity to date and I’ve been rejected very frequently (which is to be expected as a man tbh). I haven’t been able to lose weight and that I’m 25 years old.
I know that’s still pretty young but I still feel so behind on dating tbh. Is it still too late for me to find someone I want to be with after I’ve lost weight? Does losing weight help for men as it does for women? I’ve been trying to join meetups, volunteering (just to meet new people tbh) and really put myself out there. It’s just idk like all my friends are committed and I’m just floating around life whilst focusing on my career.
I’m 25 years old.
No. The answer is no. Unless you were exclusively looking to date leonardo dicaprio, 25 is not too old
I’m not even saying this to be nice. You are 25. You’re a baby. You may feel like you are old. But you are not. Not even close.
Ever hear the saying “youth is wasted on the young”? This is why people say it. Hindsight is gonna slap you in the face when you are actually old. You’re fine. It’s not too late.
- I want to punch that guy for throwing everything away because he thinks he’s older than us.
Yeah, while I don’t think it’s ever too late to find love 25 certainly is, I was a bit younger but over twenty when I had my first relationship.
Also try to not focus too much on your weight. I know society™/capitalism wants you to think you’re unlovable if you’re fat but that is obviously bs. If you want to loose weight do it but to it for yourself first (maybe try to get fit and not loose weight per se?). Love is not only about looks.
…why would it be too late for you to date? People want companionship throughout their lives…
Thanks for responding to my post! It’s just that, I come from an immigrant background and I never really had the chance to date tbh. It’s just my thinking is that the longer it’ll take to find someone the more likely I’ll be seen as a walking red flag. Sure I’ll hopefully be in a good position career wise, great social life but never having had dated anyone isn’t a good look. It’s just in my experience a lot of people brushed me off cause of that so it just makes me feel trapped I guess. That’s why I felt that it’ll be too late.
Just stay away from all dating advice for men, be honest, learn to care about other people if you don’t already, and you’ll be fine.
You’re still really young.
First, getting an education and getting a career going is a great start. It shows a level of maturity and that your life is moving in a positive direction. That’s a big plus.
Second, you mention that you’re from an immigrant culture. That might be skewing how you perceive the age vs relationship factor. In the US, it varies widely by socioeconomic class and geography, but just starting to get out there at 25 isn’t that unusual and shouldn’t raise a lot of red flags. I wouldn’t lead with it as an intro statement, but if it comes up naturally after a few dates with the same person, they’ll have the context to understand rather than rush to judgment.
Getting in shape generally only helps - it’s also a signal indicating that you have your life on the right track and do self care - but charisma isn’t all about weight or even appearance. You should be able to talk great, listen great, or both.
I agree, it is definitely skewing how I perceive the age vs relationship when I see a lot of people who’ve been in relationships multiple times before they hit 25 when I moved to the US when I was like 19. Other things that could be skewing how I perceive is how I think I look which is another reason why I am trying to lose weight as well. Thank you for your reply tho, I really appreciate it.
The only red flags in a real relationship are how you treat the other person and yourself. Don’t put dating on a pedestal. It’s just 2 people hanging out and getting to know one another.
It’s not the same for everybody. Some people find lots of success with apps. Others meet people at social events. Some meet at work. Just be yourself around people and pay attention to who you jive with on a personal level.
Weight shouldn’t be a problem. The reality is that everybody has things they are attracted to and for some people weight can be a factor. Only loose weight for your own happiness, though. Don’t do it to attract a partner because that’s not a good way to maintain a lifestyle change and your own happiness is paramount with changes like that.
I am 25
Lmao. That’s literally the age humans stop maturing.
You’re in your theoretical prime.
Now’s the time to make it happen if anything. You can be and do whatever you make of yourself.
I haven’t been able to lose weight
You need to be honest with yourself here, everyone is able to lose weight (except a very small minority of people with severe mental and or health issues) and what you really mean to say is “I have not committed to losing weight”.
There is a huge difference between wanting a fit and healthy body and actually committing long term to the idea of consistently smaller portions.
And that is all it takes. You do not need to swap every meal for a shitty salad, you do not need need to run ten miles a day, you do not need to make weight loss your number one priority, you do not need the mental strength of the world’s strongest man, you do not need more time in the day or any other of the 101 excuses that overweight people use.
- weigh yourself
- consistently eat less
- weigh yourself again after a few weeks/months
- adjust the amount you eat further if necessary
- repeat steps three and four
If you consume less calories than you burn, then you can lose weight on a diet of pizza and sitting on the couch all day.
I know what I’ve said here will come across as harsh, but it’s all absolutely true and I hope that you lose your unwanted weight, it really will help your dating prospects and it will make you feel better about yourself too!
Amen to this. OP if you focused on career and income by this point maybe you have some spare money to use on a personal fitness coach. They will help guide and motivate you which long term should help with all manner of issues you might be dealing with, from mental to health. Good luck. You can do it!
While what you said is technically true, it’s not good advice. The standard advice of 'eat less, exercise more, and it’s your own fault if you don’t get results" sets up most people for failure. In fact, that’s exactly why it’s bad advice - OP has most certainly seen it and attempted it, and it’s not working for them.
Everyone is different, and responds differently. OP needs to examine what they’ve tried and why it’s not working for them. For many people, myself included, sugar acts as a drug. The only answer is to eliminate it from your diet, AKA low-carb (keto, Atkins) diets. Other people are stress eaters who need to develop coping mechanisms. Still others are bored eaters, or people who succumb easily to temptation.
Telling any of these people to just eat less is the one thing guaranteed to fail.
I disagree. More people need the education around weight loss. Too many people think you can outwork a bad diet in the gym and it is simply and entirely untrue.
You lose weight in the kitchen and you tone your body/build muscle in the gym.
It is worth repeating because many people honestly do not understand it.
Eat less food to lose weight. Go to the gym to get stronger.
Or just eat more good healthy food. I know UPS drivers that eat a bit of breakfast, don’t eat lunch, and then do a decent dinner. And of course they get a good workout every day. But they’re still overweight because a lot of the food they do eat is, well, fast food and junk food.
Occam’s razor.
You can complicate the concepts of weight gain and loss all you like, it always boils down to calories in Vs calories out.
You’ll show me 99 people that have several excuses about why they in particular can’t lose weight and I’ll only be able to show you one that holds their hands up and says “I admit it, I’m weak and I’d rather have cake now than a nice body a few months later”.
Losing weight is like stopping smoking, it’s all conjecture and day dreams until one day you say “fuck this, I’m changing and sticking with it STARTING NOW”.
Some people need tough love, not more readymade excuses.
No you’re fine, I appreciate what you’re trying to tell me and I definitely will try to follow what you’ve said. I’m curious though as how would you try to watch your diet? I have a really really bad food control cause food has been my stress reliever and how can one be consistent in having smaller portions? Like for me, I tried to really eat a smaller portion but its just that I end eating bigger portions because idk I feel depressed and I’d just be thinking of the food more than the goals I’d like to achieve if that makes sense
There’s not a one size fits all solution.
The first thing to do is cut down on snacks and sugary drinks if you have them. Refined sugars should be the easiest thing to cut out and will make a huge impact.
If you’re already doing that then it’s time to start controlling your portions. It will take some will power! I have noticed personally that I may still feel like I could eat more at the end of a meal but that if I wait ten of fifteen minutes then I feel absolutely fine. So focus on eating untill you’re not hungry rather than eating until you feel full.
Some people endorse a 5/2 diet, where they will eat normally on five days of the week and then have a very restricted diet on two days (about 300-500 calories). This will recalibrate your feeling of hunger massively, most people in the western world have never experienced real hunger. You may find that what you thought was hunger was very different to actual hunger.
I also recommend replacing your excess eating with something else. All bad habits usually need something to replace them. Whether that is drinking water or learning a new skill or reading a book or doing some exercise. Don’t just sit there and suffer, fill that time with something.
