The hypocrisy on one side, and the disillusionment on the other…
I find the fact that both of my parents are dead to be a huge barrier to a healthy relationship. At this point we really have stopped communicating. /s (not really though, it is just a fact.)
I wonder if Graveyard Counselling is a thing—it has to be?!
Edit: i feel sometimes (not sadly but not exactly gleefully either) this is the only thing that could ever work with my own. She’s too broken for now and I gotta fix me
Edit: this idea has legs…what if neither of you have to be dead either 🤔 What if the simulation/dress rehearsel is sufficient for some cases? Like this is it, if we can’t budge this will be the next time we attend to one another
I have emphatically not included them and I will clarify this has nothing to do with parapsychology bullshit. This is all very real and grounded in physical relaity and recognition of the poignancy of time’s finiteness and the limits of dysfunction tolerated by self-respecting people
My mother will go through periods where she decides to fall out with everyone.
She’ll start taking offence to irrelevant things, accuse people of being out to get her, and just generally make mountains out of molehills.
I avoid close relationships with people as I assume it will inevitably end with a massive fallout.
My father’s a narcissist and my family waves it away. I’m fine with LC, he’s not, so I guess sooner or later it’ll turn into NC. It’s frustrating. He wants a relationship and says he’s willing to try, but he’s incapable of accepting any reality where he’s done something wrong or hurt someone. I’ve spent years trying to think of the magic words that would fix things but there’s no way around it.
As a person it’s made me more conscious of people’s limits. There’s a will on both sides for us, but we’re each limited in our own ways. I can’t be as tolerant as the rest of my family and he won’t be able to make progress without therapy that he doesn’t even realize he needs.
He should listen to Self-Therapy, its a good treatment on Internal Family Sysytems which is a modality that tries to get the “difficult” parts of us back on the same team with the other parts that can do their own cool shit and everyone inside can work together in the service of whatver you put yourself up to
Thanks for the suggestion. I don’t think I could get him to take part in any kind of therapy but it sounds interesting for myself. Do you have any favorite resources?
If he ever starts rubbing up against you or trying to swoop back in, politely refer him to the book (there’s audible if he likes that) and let him know its an important part of you getting yourself better and understanding people more and maybe if he reads it some day and put in the effort (theres exercises aha)…
We’ll see. (Probably not but telling him to surprise you and put it in his possession so he can’t pass it off to someone else (i get the sense he would be self-conscious of the idea of people noticing him with it…All these games we play, sigh
My parents fell into conspiracy theories during the pandemic. My mum has been kind of conspiratorial for a while but kept it hush. My dad is very loud about it. They have entrenched themselves into the community. They live with several other people on their property who believe the same. They have attended anti-vax protests and have demonstrated. My dad shares this shit on Facebook all the time.
How has it changed me? I think it has improved my researching, scientific literacy, and critical thinking skills. Whenever they send things through, I go and look at the sources they provide. I have noticed a pattern. Whenever they use sciency sources, they are almost always:
- misinterpreted
- misrepresented (taken out of context)
- or they outright lie about the contents of the source
The speed at which you can spread misinformation is much faster than the rate you can debunk it, so I don’t do it so much to try to change their mind but more to learn about and keep informed on the science myself.
I don’t know what to do. We are on good terms and I just try not to talk about it or ignore their remarks. I’m not good in real-time “debates”; I feel much more comfortable taking my time and writing responses or findings. My dad is also very assertive to the point of aggressiveness in real-time discussions, so I get a bit intimidated. Sometimes they surprise me with reasonable takes that remind me that they do actually have values.
