I’ve never had a Facebook account or any other social media. I know they keep shadow profiles, but I’ve never given permission. I never had any interest and frankly still don’t.

The problem I’m having is that I don’t exist online when people try to look me up. When someone tries to check me out, there’s nothing there and apparently that’s considered abnormal these days. I think it’s starting to affect my life negatively for various reasons I’d rather not get into.

I’d just like some advice about where to start if you wanted to dip your toes in and check it out. LinkedIn, maybe?

80 points
*

Linkedin is the only social media I would reccomend to put yourself out (as in, put your successful projects in) as it’s used more as a networking tool to land yourself in better jobs.

Fuck other social media. Anonymity is best.

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47 points

LinkedIn is getting shittier all the time too. I check it out twice a year or so and every time I look at my feed it reminds me a bit more of Facebook. It’s the only social media I haven’t deactivated and is likely to stay that way for a while longer at least but it definitely feels like it’s getting further and further from that professional vibe it once carried, and not in a good way.

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31 points

It’s like the place where your bosses put lame boomer-styled memes and motivational stuff.

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7 points

The only reason your boss ever posts something ‘motivational’ is for their own personal gain of earning more money off you.

He never posts “Try to enjoy life. Maybe take a day off sometime to be with your family on an extended weekend and forget work for a while.”

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5 points

They recently switched some feed algorithms and it became completely useless. At least in my case if I use their “adjusted” feed, or whatever it is called, I sometimes see the same posts up on top for several days! I anyway prefer the chronological feed which you can luckily still set as standard, but there I get so many results, I do tend to miss those “high impact” posts of some of my connections.

So, neither is great and I have no idea how they think its usable in any way. Not using their app by the way, so maybe thats the issue, but I refuse to put that on my phone.

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5 points
*

I second LinkedIn.

You dont really have to be all that active there either. Just login every now and then to add / accept new connections and to update your profile.

LinkedIn for me is basically public CV that recruiters can view. Depending on your profession you can also link your github, stackoverflow, portfolio, blog or something similar there to direct people to channels you prefer instead of social media.

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2 points

LinkedIn has become a Tinder like hookup platform. Lol

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41 points

Jesus Christ this thread 🤣

Delusional users believing lemmy and reddit ain’t social media.

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33 points

I thought I was taking crazy pills watching people tell the guy not to join social media, on a social media site!

I think the real question being asked is, should the OP make a social media account that is not anonymous or on one of the mainstream sites. Which I would say go for it if it helps with your IRL social life, just don’t post anything you wouldn’t say in person in public.

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29 points

People say this shit all the time. “Reddit is social media too dura hurr.”

But anonymous social media sites are an entirely different entity and wildly different experience compared to ones that use your actual name.

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12 points

“anonymous social media” is indeed very different, but still social media. It avoids some problems and runs into other problems.

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6 points

Oh for sure, but I think it’s a really very incredibly important distinction

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12 points

Pseudonymous is not even quite the same as anonymous either. It’s not just people randomly saying whatever nonsense like 4chan, there’s all the reputation-building and ego that other social media has, only less personal, for better or worse.

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-1 points

Whatever you need to tell yourself at night 🤷‍♂️

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15 points

They’re forums though, are forums social media? I don’t think services people use anonymously and not for the primary purpose of interacting are social media. The stat has always been 90+% of people are lurkers who just look at memes. Doesn’t sound very social. Scrolling lemmy and reading articles doesn’t get at that part of the brain. We’re not a social group, looking at each others lives.

What stops being social media if we broaden the definition. YouTube is social media if Lemmy is imo.

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6 points

Lurkers on Lemmy and Reddit don’t seem too different from someone who is on Twitter or Instagram to follow celebrities.

Commenters definitely are in it for interacting, whether they realize or not. Like, just now, you felt the need to express your opinion to this crowd, and so did I.

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10 points

I think another divide when it comes to “social media” is the idea of following someone.

Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc let me follow people (or brands).

Reddit however isn’t about people or brands (and yes I’m away they added that feature, it’s stupid), it’s about topics.

Looking at Mastodon, it is also designed to follow people. They do however have the option to follow hashtags, which as a Lemmy user is something I like.

Similarly as a Lemmy user I don’t care who any of you are. I’m not following anyone in this thread. We could interact every day or we could interact once a year, I don’t care who you are and I like that.

Also, I don’t care if you follow me. I’d prefer if you didn’t. I do have an opinion to share, and I do want people to read it. Is that “social media”?

As other folks have pointed out, this is all more similar to Internet forums. Are those “social media”? I would argue they are not, but if you stretch the definition far enough… I guess?

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2 points

If the expression of opinion or interacting with that opinion is all it takes, then YouTube is social media, IMDb is social media. Blogs are social media, any news site is social media. It has to be more specific than that because every site has a comment section and it’s a pretty useless definition.

I think the object of interest has to be people, and the engagement has to come from fixed personalities. Who develop a rapport. For example, you add friends and follow people, who you recognize, interact with and develop a social or parasocial relationship.

Although Reddit has maybe gone that way in some respects, sites like YouTube (maybe) Lemmy, 4chan, Q&A sites (Quora, stack overflow), and more traditional forums have anonymous people jumping in and out, and the focus is the idea (meme, article, creation, question).

Maybe we ditch the term altogether as everything is adding a social component and it will all devolve into a digital singularity.

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4 points

Yes. Forums are social media. The mental gymnastics…

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1 point

Is it my imagination or do you think people that don’t consider forums to be social media are doing it out of denial, as if they consider social media to be inferior and they want to be the superior ones without social media, but by encountering you telling them these ugly truths, they deny and defend themselves almost in a tantrum?

Because that may happen with a person or two, but no, many people don’t have problems having social media, just don’t consider Lemmy a social media for various reasons (e.g. not used with a real name, they do not personally message from here, etc.). If their criteria is wrong or right, I don’t know. I do consider this a social media, but it’s open to discussion.

It’d be helpful if you stop looking at situations as if they were the crying wojak (them) vs chad wojak (you) because that’s not how we all work.

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1 point

It’s not mental gymnastics. My reasoning is straight forward, and I disagree.

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15 points

While I do consider this my social media outlet it’s different in a few ways. If I meet someone new in person and they’re interested in my online presence

  1. I am not giving out this username
  2. they wouldn’t understand or know what to do with it even if I did
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3 points

Your username is a fairly common noun and an incredibly common, er, auxiliary verb?

They can’t do anything with it by sticking it into Google!

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3 points

Fancy that eh

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4 points

People don’t really know what the term means. Any media where the users create the content is a social media. That’s what social media means! YouTube, reddit, Lemmy, Instagram, Snapchat… All of these are social medias! Perhaps we need some different term to differenciate them based on whether you’re more expected to interact with friends or anonymously with strangers though.

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3 points

Yes, stupid delusional users who actually know what social media is and isnt, unlike a self aggrandizing imbecile making comments like yours.

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-5 points

👌👍🤡

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1 point

It is an anonymous social media, and the post is talking about non-anonymous googleable profiles (Facebook, Instagram, etc.). Quite different if you ask me.

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1 point

People say that all the time, but I disagree. They’re link aggregators with a comments section.

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1 point
*
Deleted by creator
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40 points

I know how you feel but joining in now might be a mistake. The trend at the moment is people leaving social media, soon people won’t care if they can find you or not.

Stay away!

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13 points

The trend at the moment is people leaving social media

Eeeh… Is it really? I know that’s what many people on Lemmy would like to believe because that’s what they largely are doing, but lemmings are a minority. I think the vast majority of people don’t even know or care about how bad social media is these days and continue using it.

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7 points

People’s situations can be different, OP is asking how they can join while minimizing the harms

We don’t have to not join something because the trend is people leaving. Worst case scenario they meet the immediate need and leave alongside whoever they need to connect with

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37 points

Don’t.

Thats the only advice you need.

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34 points

Social media is so dead. Everyone has one yeah but it’s a placeholder. The novelty is gone

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Seriously I kind of miss the “Internet playground” era of 10 years ago. It felt like you could easily find not just one but multiple close knit groups for ANYTHING you might enjoy. It was easy to engage with people without huge effort.

Nowadays it’s monolithic corporate groups. Soulless without the close interactions. Content is at an all time high yet simultaneously true interactions are dead. Forget about trying to find multiple groups, they all have been cannibalised into a singular Uber corpo group if it exists at all.

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4 points

i miss the mid 90s internet.

Where the internet was a curiousity, not yet exploited by companies and advertising, where to find new websites you had to click next on ring networks or find a website directory cause search engines werent even a thing yet, but every website you found was someones passion project and rife with the interesting and bizarre

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For me it’s the early 2010 internet. Where technological advances made navigating it easy and you could with no effort find several groups chatting about topics you liked. Information was easily available yet it felt extremely personal too.

That was before everything became ultra monolithic and corporate. You’ll be lucky if you find even just one active forum for something you like and more often then not it’s been cannibalised by one of the megacorp pages like YouTube or reddit where interactions are all dull and dead, soulless posting only for menial engagement instead of making friends

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0 points

I honestly disagree, even if it’s a lot harder now. Discord kinda took the place of forums and other niche groups.

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