this country is so fucking cool

305 points

Cool. Let’s see the legislature’s browser histories.

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143 points

My money says this guy can’t even close his closet door anymore for all the skeletons.

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52 points

He’s in there with them.

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37 points

Getting boned

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70 points
*

Speaker of the House, Mike Johnson, loves talking about his creepy spy app he and his son have on their phone that alerts the other if they visit naughty sites. So the writers of this proposal and all that vote for it would be happy to put the same program on their devices and computers, right? And tie that straight to a public feed we can all see? Great Great.

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28 points

See when I read this story it isn’t really that bad.

They believe porn is bad and use the app to keep each other accountable. I don’t really have an issue with that. You do you.

But when they start trying to enforce that view through the government it’s obviously not okay.

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60 points

Aside from it being creepy as hell to do that with your son (who probably didn’t have a say in the matter) this is a massive national security risk. Spyware on a Congress member’s phone? Not a great idea.

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31 points

It’s creepy because it’s his son, and he clearly is only doing it to control his kid.

You think the dad doesn’t have a second device that’s dedicated to wanking?

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8 points

I don’t have a problem between 2 consenting adults but monitoring a parent is creepy and weird. It’s likely a case of him trying to set an example and prove he too is compliant, to his son, but it’s just weird.

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7 points
*

I don’t have a problem with their abstaining from porn, having personal feelings about its value or morality, or even using each other to remain accountable. I do think it’s a little dumb to put spyware on your device intentionally and to share with your child when you accidentally fall to temptation exactly what sort of smut you enjoyed. But that’s all them. Not my problem.

As you said the problem is when you’re legislating to restrict others from something you have a personal issue with, particularly when that thing is completely personal. So if they’re going to butt their way into the personal habits or desires of the general public, surely they have no problem sharing their own habits and desires with the public in return. And, in real time. I want to see what senators are jerking it to on their potty break during session.

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5 points

Sure, you do you, but it’s still fucking weird.

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8 points

creepy spy app

The only thing that spy app is making them do, is hiding a second phone from everyone. Guarantee it.

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5 points

pubic feed

hehe

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12 points

Oops, a Freudian Giant Cock In My Ass. Slip.

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2 points

That’s why this will never pass.

It’s just virtue signalling from whoever is introducing it.

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2 points

They’ll be exempt, obviously.

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227 points

I’m sorry, I didn’t know we lived under Sharia Law.

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119 points

It’s hilarious and ironic that Christian nationalists hate sharia law whilst wanting their own brand enacted.

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110 points

They don’t hate sharia law because it’s abhorrent. They hate sharia law because it’s not Christian based.

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3 points

But the differences are slight. Maybe won’t go as far down the oppression of women rabbit hole, but not for lack of trying. Merely because, I hope, our society is to far past that for them to drag us back that far.

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38 points

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18 points

Tomayto/tomahto, sharia/christo-fascist. Different pronunciations of the same thing.

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91 points

🤔

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113 points

Sex dick? Really Oklahoma? Are you guys OK?

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32 points

They want to ban porn because it might tempt those who desperately want to be one of the straights.

But seriously, that congressman is so scared of being gay that they want everyone else to give up porn so they won’t be challenged by easy dick.

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19 points

I’m switching my VPN server to Oklahoma before my next wank.

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14 points

Idk I’m more concerned about Minnesota with tickling

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18 points

It’s the most polite form of sadism dontchaknow.

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6 points

It’s… demented

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4 points

Really living up to the shape of the state borders

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45 points

Those poor, lonely Alaskans.

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36 points

I like that of all the states, Hawaii and Utah remain on-brand.

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19 points

It’s almost wholesome in a pornhub sort of way

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12 points

Nevada too

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7 points

So lonely they can’t even imagine porn with two human beings in it 😭

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36 points
*

Lmao.

Sex dick.

Also, damn Arkansas. You nasty.

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9 points

I’m proud to represent Illinois instead!

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1 point

Florida finally gets a break. Unless the fantasy is involving both Oaklahoma and Arkansas.

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36 points
*

I’m in Wyoming. There’s only ten of us here. The goth search was mine. The rest didn’t bother with PornHub after I explained that “bear sex” wasn’t going to give them the result they were expecting.

Idaho’s “dildo ride” absolutely tracks. I have been wearing a Bad Dragon cap for weeks (it’s an amazing hat) and it was a ~50 year old woman on the Idaho side of the mountain who recognized the logo.

EDIT: I am not joking. The caps are sick.

https://bad-dragon.com/products/caps

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10 points

Damn, that IS a killer hat. Almost tempted to get one myself. But having no other actual affiliation with BD, it would make things super, super awkward once someone actually recognizes the logo.

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2 points

Just smile, wink and walk away. I don’t own any of their proper products but I wasn’t going to pass up on a hat that nice, at that price.

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4 points

I mean it can get them the result they’re expecting if they use the furry tag.

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2 points

I am a guy whose proclivities are such that I’m probably never using a Bad Dragon. Still, I need this hat.

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0 points

Same. Got the all black hat though.

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19 points

Nudist for Oregon and Sensual Sex for Washington make the PNW seem so wholesome and well adjusted. I wonder what BC is.

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7 points
*

Sex dick. Jk it’s apparently Asian, here’s the link for canada (NSFW obviously)

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5 points
*

“Nova Scotia likes “facesitting”.”

Welp, I won’t be watching Oak Island the same way again…

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5 points

I live in Oregon. You get neo-hippies or neo-Nazis, no in-between.

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1 point

Portland sounds both awesome and awful at the same time. Like there was a rebellion during the BLM protests where they took over some city blocks, which is cool. But things were bad enough that they caused a rebellion during the BLM protests where they took over some city blocks, which isn’t very cool.

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18 points

Hawaii: Hawaiian.

So they’re just walking around with their kink/preference in their faces all day? Sweeeeeeet.

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11 points

Only about 21% of the Hawaiian population is actually native Hawaiians.

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1 point

Wasn’t it recently that we hit the mark where more native Hawaiians were living outside of Hawaii than were on the islands? It’s sad how the way their economy and obviously real estate is set up makes it difficult to live on the islands.

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11 points

Is the car sex in Arizona because it’s taboo to touch anything on the inside of a car in the summer? Like instead of the thrill of maybe getting caught that exhibitionists get, it’s the danger of accidentally burning yourself on the metal clasp of a seat belt?

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4 points

Having lived there I will call that “plausible”

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2 points

The inside of a car in Arizona is so hot!

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11 points

*Sees people in Indiana search for ‘chubby.’*

*Looks around.*

Yep, that tracks.

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10 points

Classic Ohio

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10 points

Wtf North Dakota. I refuse to believe there are multiple people up there typing “loud wet sex” into their search bars.

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10 points
*
Deleted by creator
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9 points

Texans like sausage gravy all over some biscuits.

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9 points
*

Shout out to Colorado. I’m wondering why Ohio’s is “small dick” lol.

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10 points

I live in CO and a guy once (well, several times for months) told me I should be a dominatrix, not realizing my disdain was mostly exclusive to him, not men in general, but now I’m thinking I missed out on a lucrative career option. Well dang.

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5 points

Is it ever too late to cash in on being a dominatrix?

No, I’m asking for real; I have no idea.

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8 points
7 points

Lmao @ big ass cop in DC

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7 points

I respect you, North Dakota

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6 points
*

You know what, New Mexico, not gonna tease you, you’ve got a high native population and it probably does suck rarely seeing folks that look like you in porn. Same for you Hawaii.

Actually I feel like in a less sympathetic way Indiana gets the same treatment.

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1 point

What about Ohio?

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5 points

I can’t speak on Ohio. Most of the women I’ve slept with here that had one had a big one.

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4 points

What the fuck is going on in Tennessee and Ohio?

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4 points

…Smoking?

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5 points

It’s a fetish. Some people enjoy seeing someone smoke while fucking and some people actually enjoy smoke being blown on them.

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2 points
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3 points

Actually looking at their other stats are shocking. Like I’m actually really surprised with how much lesbian content blows other searches out of the water women are significantly more likely to search it than men. Same for trans porn.

Also props to milfs for being the number 2 search term. Mom bods really are having their day

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73 points

That guy watches so much porn

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53 points

I don’t want to engage in slander, but just extrapolating from previous conservative projection, that guy has a 15 year-old Honduran boy chained in his laundry room.

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8 points

15? A bit old for a guy like him, isn’t he?

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7 points

😞 I really hope not. That’d be so horrible, yet the possibility lingers.

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67 points

Let’s take bets on who’s getting caught first! Drag queens or some god-fearing dude??

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46 points

Don’t pretend for a second itll actually be enforced against the in group

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