Former President Donald Trump is expected to surrender himself to the Fulton County jail at the end of next week – on Thursday or Friday, a senior law enforcement official with knowledge of the surrender told CNN.

14 points

He’s definitely gonna try to skip town. Either that or he’s gonna just ignore it until cops physically drag his Cheeto ass there.

I’ll make popcorn for that day.

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1 point
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90 points

I swear to god if I have another BBQ where I invite everyone, hire caterers and get a custom cake and this fucking turd slips out of his jail cell again I’m gonna flip my shit.

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39 points

Yeah don’t have a BBQ. He will have a bond agreement in place before surrendering so likely he will bond out immediately.

If you read a headline that he got convicted in court and sentenced to prison time, then schedule the BBQ

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13 points

Hell, I’m going to schedule a parade and fireworks.

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2 points

Stop on over!

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34 points

he’s going to “surrender to jail” because that’s what this step of the process is called. he’s not actually going to be locked up

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6 points

So do you like bratwurst or burgers?

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3 points

Both.

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12 points

Yo can I come to the BBQ? I can bring drinks or something.

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29 points
*

Trump:

Look I’ve consulted with our medical doctors, and they’re going to check it, and these doctors, they’re the best in the business you know? Huuuuuge. Hugest doctors that have ever doctored, best we’ve ever seen. Ever. And these are good doctors with tremendous skills. They’ve been studying this new thing that - and I’m not sure if you have heard of this as it’s groundbreaking, tremendous stuff, this knowledge that we have. But they’ve been talking to this Theranos doctor. At least I think she’s a doctor, she has this doctor team and I think she has the knowledge of a doctor. So anyway this doctor has a huge voice, deepest I’ve ever heard, the kind of voice that gets things done. And so I says to this doctor, supposing you brought this Theranos inside the body. Which you can do, either through the skin or in some other way, and she says she can’t bring Theranos into the body because it’s a huge building or whatever because I wasn’t really listening to the details, but she has some things she’s gonna test. And this Theranos stuff she does with her other doctors, it’s the best stuff to help stop prison you know? And she says, she’s done something similar in order to keep out of prison, something she researched with her team to bring a baby inside the body to stay out of prison. Supposing that could happen for me, or for anyone who doesn’t want prison, you know? Are we gonna look into that, if I can bring a baby inside my body? She says she’s gonna test that too. Sounds interesting. And then I see conspiracy and Truth, my version of truth, the best there ever was, and I heard that it knocks out things like prison in a minute. One minute, it’s crazy! Absolutely crazy. Is there a way we can do something llike that? Supposing we can inject truth inside the body, by injection or almost like a cleaning? To keep me out of prison. And she says we’re gonna look into that, too. And these aren’t rumors you know, this is the real stuff right here. Maybe you can, maybe you can’t? And again I say maybe you can, maybe you can’t because I’m not a doctor. But I’m like a person who has a good… uh, you know what. I think it’s a great thing to look at. And look, I’m the former president and you guys are fake news.

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7 points

This is great. Feels kinda like chat GPT wrote it but even if that’s the case it’s hilarious

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1 point
*

Here was my inspiration for writing that:

Trump floats dangerous coronavirus treatment ideas as Dr Birx looks on (Duration: 1:58 minutes):

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All right, you convinced me, I’m putting “Trump pregnant” on my 2024 bingo card.

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40 points

this guy is definitely fleeing the country

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24 points

He can’t. He’s minded by Secret Service agents

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20 points
*

Wasn’t there a rumor making the rounds that the Secret Service is actually permeated by right-wing sympathizers? To the extent that they conveniently erased all archived text/digital communications between agents back in Jan 6? Story here

Given that backdrop I wouldn’t be surprised if they will be complicit in his escape.

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16 points

Whenever a conservative bitches about The Deep State I roll my eyes. It has been around for decades and it’s on their side. There’s a reason Biden changed his security detail.

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7 points

He’ll try it regardless

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12 points

They’re gonna find him stuck halfway through his bathroom window on the 24th

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8 points

The very best agents too

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18 points
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7 points
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2 points

No way amigo, it’s already established by Rs that he can run the country as a convict. By extension he could run the country equally effective from mother Russia. There’s still 70 million people that’d vote for that.

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2 points
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5 points
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Do you really think he’s going to fly to Russia now? He’s got so much cash sitting in supporters pockets left and maybe a few years left to take it.

Now if he’s found guilty, yeah, I can see him running then rather than go to jail. But not yet.

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3 points

Ah, if only he was a flight risk … I’d set the bail low to encourage him … But no

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170 points

I’ll believe it when I see it, but god damn is that a sexy headline.

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