Two weeks ago, I had a date with a girl I met through a dating app. She was really nice, we had a great conversation and she told in person at the bar she would love to see me again.
Well fast forward a week, I keep texting her to set something up, but she’s not responding. I think she’s ghosted me. I mean, that’s fine, but if you don’t want to date me anymore, then just let me know. I will respect your decision.
Dating is so frustrating sometimes… It’s really fucking hard and I sometimes feel lonely because of my lack of success. I have a good job and I’m a nice guy… but eh… I digress.
I have definitely told guys at the end of a date that I “want to see them again” while having no intention of seeing them again. It’s a safety thing. IME guys can Jekyll and Hyde pretty hard when being rejected.
I know it can hurt feelings, but when it comes down to it, my safety > your feelings
I (man) had similar experience as op and i tougth that people on dating apps are really rude for some reason that it is a apps community thing or something this scenario never occure to me as a option. Is really meeting some foreigner as a girl so scary and/or dangerous?
Yes it is scary and dangerous. Additionally, some completely flip or “just” start insulting you when you say you don’t want to see them again. I am happier single than trying to go on dates and I bet that’s one of the reasons only 20 % or so of the users on dating apps are women.
I met my wife dating online. Before that it was brutal. Lots of ignored messages. Lots of messaging that just ended (often on the woman’s end, but sometimes on my end). And plenty of first dates.
When I first started dating I wasn’t picky. Basically any girl interested in me, I’d show interest. Eventually I actually applied myself to dating with purpose. This helped a bit as I was often times being the one to make the decision whether or not to even meet up with a woman. I made sure they met my criteria and wanted the same things as I did. And doing this required that I was honest with myself. I didn’t want to party, I wanted children, I wanted someone who would challenge me and call me out on my bullshit, but I also needed someone who wasn’t overly sensitive as I am often quite blunt and speak without thinking.
Basically I had to shift from wasting my time with anyone to getting right to the point and making sure our values and trajectories in life aligned. This filtered out a lot of women. Either immediately because we didn’t want the same things or because they were put off by my directness.
Hey OP, I hear your frustration. Sometimes, she will simply not be into you like that, and that’s okay. But there are concepts that can significantly improve your dating life if you learn them.
The most important thing is to intentionally be romantic. You have to flirt. The way you describe this interaction doesn’t sound very flirty. She was nice and you had a good conversation? That’s great, but she could probably get a similar experience from a friend.
Flirting is about making things exciting. Taking a risk and making your intentions known is often attractive. Think playful banter. Having a low stakes, interview-style conversation is just boring for most women.
Practical ways to be more flirty:
- choose a venue where you can sit side by side
- maintain great eye contact when she’s talking
- don’t rush to fill every silence, let it breathe
- use statements more, rather than just questions
- respectful and appropriate use of touch
- playfully challenge or disagree with her at times
- humor is great, but don’t constantly joke around
Basically, being a nice guy with a good job is great, and actually a prerequisite for many women to date you. But it’s not inherently sexy. You gotta learn how to embrace your romantic side to show them you’re capable of that, too.
OP is doing something right if they’re making it all the way to a date. I’m usually pretty great in person, don’t often have issues getting second dates if I want them, but holy shit the early stages on apps are infuriating. Most men aren’t signing up to dating sites to try out our comedy routines and throw out pickup lines for fun, but it seems like that’s what it takes to get a reply.
Women often don’t feel the need to fill out anything in their profiles since they know they can skate by on a couple of cute photos, a platitude, and/or a list of things they don’t want. I need to ask questions to make sure I’m not wasting my time. How do I have a fun conversation if I have no idea what they like? Asking and answering questions might be “boring” but I also feel like it’s important to figure out if we’re just wasting time. If you jump to the date without much talking, you might have a lot of those left over.
Agreed, if OP is getting dates then women are clearly interested, just something not clicking on the first date. And yeah, texting on apps definitely sucks. I try to do it as little as possible. But I think many questions can be reworked into statements, like “Where do you work” is boring, but “I’m getting lawyer vibes” accomplishes the same thing and is more fun
I keep texting her
There’s your problem. Women can smell desperation.
30F I’ve given up on the apps
