Two weeks ago, I had a date with a girl I met through a dating app. She was really nice, we had a great conversation and she told in person at the bar she would love to see me again.
Well fast forward a week, I keep texting her to set something up, but she’s not responding. I think she’s ghosted me. I mean, that’s fine, but if you don’t want to date me anymore, then just let me know. I will respect your decision.
Dating is so frustrating sometimes… It’s really fucking hard and I sometimes feel lonely because of my lack of success. I have a good job and I’m a nice guy… but eh… I digress.
Dating sucks. For every nice person you meet and make a connection of some sort with there’s three or four who drop off the face of the planet. I get it’s easier to just ghost but it’s pretty shitty. (And this is speaking as someone with social anxiety who has definitely ghosted before lol oops)
I think this is also key to remember - there are a million reasons why people might end up ghosting, and half of them don’t really have to do with the person being ghosted at all. Sometimes keeping up with conversations just becomes overwhelming for some people.
It’s always important to look for ways to improve as a person, but it’s equally important to not interpret everything as a personal failure. Sometimes things just don’t work out. :)
Hey, it’s not your fault.
If you are a guy, and you don’t look like Brad Pitt, online dating is depressing. If you happen to look like Brad Pitt, it can still be pretty hard.
That’s just how it is structured. People approach online dating looking for short term distractions. Try setting up a profile saying something like ‘I am looking for someone who is willing to put in the hardwork through all the arguments and the compromises and adjustments we will need to make a marriage work’ and see how much success you have.
You could be doing everything right and you still will end up getting matched with a lot of people who might not be as serious as you might be about it. That’s just how online dating works.
IMO you should aspire to be the kind of person you’d want to date. It probably would improve your chances but even if it doesn’t you’d at least be more happy with yourself and you can flourish in independence.
Well that does sound achievable and if you become that you attract people with the same taste in their partner so you probably have a lot in common emotionally.
Being a black haired, bearded guy that resembles a bear prepping for hibernation I have some doubts about it being achievable. But I’ll get the dye ready.
This is probably the most realistic and useful advice you can get. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. Play to your strengths but dating and relationship is always work.
And remember there is a ton of luck involved. Some people find their life partner first try and others have to go through a lot more relationships before they do
Dating through an app is hard. I can’t hack it at all. Dating through mutual friends will limit your options, but genuine connections happen much more readily. I’ve found (what felt like) true love a few times, all from mutual acquaintances. I didn’t have a good job, and I’m not even that nice (or “nice”) of a guy IMO. I just made normal friends, and dated the people they knew.
You don’t need to compete with the whole world of sexy, highly eligible, rich people. You need to be a person with friends, not habitually smell bad, and be capable of genuine human vulnerability. That’s literally it.
I should find out how to make friends. Still not able to, after all those years.
I had a friend who was having problems with dating. Specifically his online dating wasn’t going well, and while he was a super outgoing person, he wasn’t the kind of guy to pickup a woman at a bar. Anyways, I told him to first think of his target demographic. What do they look like? What are their hobbies? What’s traits, characteristics, and thoughts do they have that you look for?
Once you know who you’re after, then write for them. Treat the space on your profile as a sort of open-ended love letter for a fill-in-the-blank style adventure. Maybe even make it an actual fill-in-the-blank as a sort of cool way for them to have interaction with the profile.
Another point is Algorithms, algorithms, algorithms! People forget that algorithms run our lives from HR filtering applications, to online dating. Have engagement on the site. Specifically by updating your profile regularly. That keeps the pictures fresh, the content current, and feeds the algorithm to boost you to the top.
Maintaining a relationship is always the fun and easier part, IMO. I’ve always told friends and family that relationships aren’t hard work with the correct partner. If someone ghosts you, it means they aren’t right for you, or it isn’t the time for them. As well, focus on keeping engagement with that person active. Just like algorithms on websites people love someone who is constantly updating, and staying current. It doesn’t have to be exhausting, but it does require some effort on your part.
Lastly what helped my friend the most was when I told him to scale back the nerd. To include it as part of your hobbies and a single picture, but having multiple pictures of you doing the same thing is repetitive, unhelpful, and only tells me one thing about you. Variety is the name of the game.
