spoiler

Is anyone surprised that Kyle’s far-right political handlers ensured this particular detail didn’t make it into his book? (See photo) [https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GKEtAA-aoAAWkuS?format=jpg&name=large - Rittenhouse being rejected by the marines for not even meeting the minimum “spell your name using only letters” score]

Regarding his online high school diploma, we had to force him to complete the four years of credits in just ten months, which he did using the “Google machine.”

We invested significant effort to craft the image you witnessed during the trial. We outfitted him in new suits, arranged for his haircut every weekend during the trial, and dedicated over 200 hours to prepare him for direct and cross-examination. We employed the world’s leading jury consultant and conducted extensive research through three mock trials to identify the ideal jurors and the most effective approach for his testimony.

Transforming a middle school dropout who was “angry at the world” with a history of violence and an unhealthy obsession with guns and killing into a respectable young man with a desire for higher education and a promising future was no easy feat.

It was a meticulously crafted facade, which we sincerely hoped he would grow into. Instead, he squandered a full scholarship to study any subject at any university in the country to become a divisive douchebag and antagonize black Americans on college campuses. Kyle failed to learn a single thing. He remains the same uneducated, arrogant, and antagonistic individual, incapable of telling the truth.

Now, he genuinely believes he is the show pony we created and has surrounded himself with sycophants who fuel his inflated ego because they prioritize their political agenda and Christian Nationalist worldview over his well-being.

Despite my efforts to guide him toward a better path in life, the allure of notoriety triumphed over the prospect of putting in the hard work of pursuing an education. Kyle is ill-equipped to offer advice to young people. I regret my role in shaping him into whatever he has become. If I had known what I know now about Kyle’s history, I wouldn’t have been involved.

67 points

https://twitter.com/SteakFrankhouse/status/1776046260723528136

This part is legitimately fucking insane to read, one of the most basic building blocks of the defense case was that there was supposedly no evidence or submitted testimony of Rittenhouse threatening anyone with his rifle during most of the night.

But now we find out that not only was there evidence of that, KYLE RITTENHOUSE TOOK A PHOTO OF HIMSELF POINTING THE RIFLE AT JOSEPH ROSENBAUM, THE FIRST MAN THAT HE SHOT AND MURDERED, AND SENT IT TO HIS FRIENDS. And this was literally just never submitted into the court case and no one found out about it, people went fucking nuts over the video of Rittenhouse saying hed like to shoot looters some weeks before his shooting spree, not being allowed into evidence on grounds of being prejudicial, and now one of this dipshits handlers just off handedly reveals that he fucking took evidence of his own intent to murder and sent it out to his friends, who I assume have to be as fucking demonic as he is to have kept it secret.

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47 points

“Your honor, my client telling a bunch of people on video that he wanted to cross state lines and murder protestors with his rifle is devastating to my case.”

“Sustained, evidence is dismissed as prejudicial.”

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30 points

In the revolutionary courts, “the defendant is a demon child who thirsts for human bloodshed unending” will be admissible evidence even if it makes the jury declare a guilty verdict on pure principle.

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20 points

“Your honor, the video of me repeatedly hacking grandma to death with an axe would be prejudicial to my case.”

“Sustained, and by the way case dismissed for lack of evidence.”

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10 points

Angry Raskolnikov noises

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40 points

White privilege is so fucking crazy man

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31 points

“Lord give me the confidence of a mediocre white man” is scathing and hilarious for a reason

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39 points

He was just a simple boy with his emotional support AR-15.

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29 points
*

Was this guy part of his legal team? You can’t lie for your client, and he just openly admitted to doing that? Not that he’s going to face any consequences, obviously.

Anyway, the judge wanted him acquitted and would have excluded this from evidence as well. If it came to it the defense would’ve just asked for a judgement of acquittal from the judge, which he would’ve given out like candy.

Because of double jeopardy even if Kyle just says “I’m guilty as fuck” he can’t be retried (that he was ever actually in jeopardy in the first place is pretty doubtful, but don’t count on the courts to side against a Nazi murderer), meaning the only method left to deal with him is through a mineshaft

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23 points

What he claims is that he was not made aware of this before the verdict, which is like the most classic bullshit handwave but anyways.

It still is significant though because if this was included it brings the case from something that people can squint and reluctantly accept as kind of checking out, to being such absurd bullshit that several buildings would burn down in the backlash. The original case was still within limits of standard accepted legal bullshit maneuvering.

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58 points

It’s never not funny watching the right-wing machine try and assimilate someone from MAGA country only to watch them shit on the floor, roll around in it, and proceed to run and jump all over the furniture.

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58 points

Tuition, books, fees, rent for an apartment, monthly living stipend. Literally everything was to be paid for by a very wealthy individual that wanted to see Kyle do something productive with his second chance.

Tossed it away.

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13 points

Lmao he bought the bullshit.

You have to have open contempt for your supporters and shit on them while telling them if they were a real man they’d give you money.

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11 points

Honestly I dunno if I’d say he “tossed it away” by becoming a grifter. That seems to me like just taking the path of least resistance to a paycheck.

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53 points
*

This dude can eat shit, anyone without a dog brain could plainly see this guy went to that protest looking to kill somebody. If your instinct isn’t “lock him up for life” but rather “I must defend this man!” then you are irredeemable

Separately lol at this guy “revealing” that Rittenhouse is a dumb hog as if we all didn’t know that already

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39 points

Separately lol at this guy “revealing” that Rittenhouse is a dumb hog as if we all didn’t know that already

I appreciate that he’s a particularly humiliating degree of dumb and his dead-end career is doing a racist grift tour at universities he could never get into. If he comes to mine I’m going to heckle him by shouting “spell that word” whenever he whines about some degree he couldn’t pass a single class for.

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24 points

“What are your best techniques for remembering how to breathe?”

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15 points

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27 points

What if my instinct leans towards extrajudicial execution rather than imprisonment? 🤭

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28 points

Imprisonment can happen at the bottom of the ocean, technically

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14 points

Imprisoned in a crystal

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51 points

Rittenhouse being rejected by the marines for not even meeting the minimum “spell your name using only letters” score

Is this a joke or just like a non robust CTE screening

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I keep seeing people saying that him failing the ASVAB wasn’t the cause of the permanent rejection. Supposedly he kept sending videos of himself field stripping and assembling an ar-15 to his recruiters and they interpreted it as a threat

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61 points
*

also fucking hilarious

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44 points

I’d wager it’s either something like that or he was branded as a right-wing extremist which they’ve been wary of openly recruiting since the Iraq War. They do everything possible to get someone signing a contract and the ASVAB is like one day of studying things he should have learned by age 12.

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36 points

https://www.asvabpracticetests.com/asvab-paragraph-comprehension-practice-test/

It’s just barely a joke.

  • posted that on the wrong comment.
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31 points

Let me give Kyle Rittenhouse a thematic apperception test I am normal and can be trusted to give marine candidates psychological exams

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36 points

Is that the one where the psychologist makes you look at a big book of penises and then brings in their colleagues and keeps showing you more penises while they all take notes and ask “does this one look like a penis? And this one? This one is a photo of my dog. Really? That one too?”?

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15 points

Recruiters hate this one trick! Elon Musk pioneers brilliant new technique for preventing your children from dying overseas!

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