I’ve been fighting off writing this for a while now. I even considered making a throwaway for it, but I guess if its too embarrassing I can delete it.
I’ve sorta come to accept I’m bi in recent years, and I am wondering how I should go about dating and courtship in regards to dating within my same sex (male). Especially since I find femininity to be a key attraction point. I also haven’t dated or had sex in like, three years or more. Its been a while, I kinda stopped caring for myself and focused on work, I am slowly trying to become an interesting person again, get back in shape but its hard. I dunno, man. I’m in my mid-30s and I am trying to figure out what I want out of the world. There’s a bit of lust involved. And I definitely need a hug at the very least.
Furthermore, I live in the Southern part of the US, and the amount of trans hate has me actively wanting out of here (I’m aiming for Colorado) and dating in this part of the Southeast is already difficult as is, in my prior experiences.
How does one navigate this kind of world after coming out? How do I deal with the stigma especially since in the states, there’s a renewed interest in putting people back in the closet?
First of all: congratulations on coming out!
I think it might be easiest to start by trying to go to LGBT/gay-friendly clubs or parties and try to get comfortable with the idea of flirting or getting to know likeminded people in general. I am from the EU so I can’t speak for the US but here almost all of these gatherings are open for straight people too so don’t hesitate to bring a friend along who you feel comfortable around. In a location like that you can be sure that it’s not because of your sexual orientation if advances fail and get comfortable to be in contact with other men that like men.
Disregarding sexual orientation, as a 30something year old myself I can confidently say that I know only very few people that seem to have figured stuff/life/anything out and to be honest I think they just hide their insecurities better. My general experience with people is that everybody is anxious and it’s actually a good ice breaker to admit your own fears and insecurities.
I wish you pleasant experiences (:
*Edited a spelling error out
I don’t have any useful advice on your specific question. I’m replying to say only two things.
You’re probably going to struggle with this and you might feel like you’re doing it wrong because you can’t figure it out easily enough. Let it feel weird. Let it take as long as it takes. Let it be a struggle. Don’t make it worse by telling yourself a story like there’s something wrong with you because you’re struggling to figure it out.
And hug.
Peace.
It’s hard to delete from the fediverae, FYI
Hey I had to do this same kinda thing after realizing men are hot in my late 20’s. Do you have LGBT friends? Hang out with them. Ask them to invite you to other queer hang outs, events, etc. Ask them to take you dancing. There’s something so completely euphoric about dancing in a gay friendly club where you can feel comfortable being you. Go to the gay bars! They’re fun. Get on the dating apps and aim for making queer friends first and foremost. They work far better for meeting new friends than dating. I didn’t care for Grindr, personally, but if you’re just horny, it’ll do its job.
The dating aspects will all come together after you make a bunch of gay pals and just start existing in queer spaces. And remember, every confident person you meet there was once in your shoes! Don’t be embarrassed to ask questions on how to do things, just like this, we alllll been there!
And congratulations!! It may seem scary now, but you’re about to have a lot of fun.
I found dating apps may be helpful. I’m personally partial to romeo as I trust it most in terms of privacy over grindr.
I’m not a person who goes out a lot to parties or dancing.
