I hope you all are having a good day. I would like to start by saying that I’m the “can’t take compliments” guy who posted a while back about how he “can’t take compliments”. I’ve been thinking about something for a while. That being the situation in the title.
Now, there is a girl that I really like. Let’s call her Cass. Cass and I are very similar. We both share similar interests. Reading books, discussions about philosophy etc. But we are also similar character wise. What I mean by that is that we both like to make jokes and are great at it too, etc. etc.
I am comfortable around girls. No issues with that. But I’ve been just really, really, shy around her. To the point where I straight up leave the room if I see her. For a person such as myself, this is a pretty odd behavior. Because I give zero crap about what other people think of me.
So instead of endlessly questioning myself, I decided to use this as an opportunity to think.
Why do we humans do this? Cass is perfectly capable of getting along and understanding me. So why am I nervous around her? Is it because I sub-conciously put Cass on a pedestal? Even though it’s kind of illogical considering she’s a very pick-me girl with mental issues? (For clarification, I did not mean these parts of her character when I said that we were similar. But who’s to say I’m perfect?)
This has been bugging for a while. Low self-esteem? I have plenty of it. Fear of being judged? Might be if I really am putting her on a pedestal.
So… what’s your opinion? I might make a post about her situation one day. Because she’s certainly an interesting person. It’s interesting how depression can destroy someone.
Its pretty much explained by “breaking the ice” there is a stage of a relationship where both people want it and they aren’t sure how committed the other is. This leads to them wanting to take a risk and advance the relationship but fearing the chance of not doing it properly and failing.
From my experience all you can do is take a leap and say what you want to say and after that you can relax and joke about how nervous you both were. Unless you get rejected then you go home and cry in a bubble bath.
Do you have an idea what attracts you to her?
Do you know how humans choose their partners?
\We usually choose ones that wake up our traumas. It is known emotion for us and looks like attraction, especially sexually. Yeah, we are quite perverse. You know that old idiom “similar to your mother”, yeah but not physically or obviously. For me it was that my mother, contrary to what she is saying, hated her father. That also means she hates all man, including her son (me). Keep in mind she is not aware of any of this hate. So until I discovered that, I was attracted to women that hated their father in the same way my mother did. They also hated, and were attracted to, all man. You can imagine how difficult those relationships are.
Go get her, you will have your hearth broken. And it is worth it. But also find some psychotherapist to help you with solving this issue so that next one will be the one that is kind to you.
To the point where I straight up leave the room if I see her.
Have you considered the possibility that you are having anxiety attacks? I had a similar situation years ago where I was evading a friend I really wanted to talk to. I had a lot of really awful stuff going on in my life at the time, and trying to engage them in conversation would cause me to flee, and I went out of my way to try to often. In the end I had to resolve other sources of stress before I was able to talk to them again.
Because you’re seeing them as an idealized object of desire, not as a person.
How to break out of this: think of a bunch of flaws they could have that would be challenging but not deal-breakers.
I’d guess that it ultimately boils down to a fear of social rejection and a fear of missing out on an opportunity to mate.
Our brains haven’t evolved to keep up with modern society. Back when our brains evolved, social rejection meant we’d be dead. Literally death. That’s why embarrassment, shame, and fear of rejection can be so powerful. They could mean death.
As well, we could die at any time. So missing out on a chance for our genes to be passed down to the next generation? Well, we can’t die before that happens! We need to make this crush work NOW so we can turn it into a relationship, or at least a mating session, and pass on those genes!
