People and their kids like to come over unannounced, and without permission, to look at my ducks like it’s the fuckin zoo or some shit.
Need some humor for this situation to ease my frustration
Get some thick over sized glasses that are that transparent brown colour on the rims, grow a thin but dirty moustache, only wear faded pastel tops and short stained shorts that are 1 or 2 sizes to small, ALWAYS show your belly, make sure to be overly friendly but never blink when making eye contact, sooner or later they’ll all leave your house alone.
“I’m assisting as part of an experimental penal system. I just want you to be aware that all of these ducks were once human child rapists who were transformed in exchange for lighter sentences.”
Ask them if they want to get battletoads instead
Cover your yard in red paint, chunks of meat and feathers? You wanted humour, but was that a bit too grim? Sorry…
Put up a gate and a sign saying “$1 Entrance Fee”. If you want to get even sillier, draw a horizontal line about 7ft off the ground on the sign plus the text “Must be at least this tall to enter”.
"Entry Fee (min one):
- Carrot
- Apple
- …"
That way you get duck (or human) food for free.