I wish I could do the things I’m supposed to do, like have kids with a house and a real career, or I wish I could do what I want to do as I did when I was younger, like travel and party with friends or other things.

I feel like I neither do what I’m supposed to do nor what I want to do, but I just do what I need to do to survive. I have a decent job but I’m just kina stuck between steps, I can no longer have the fun of young adulthood but I can’t reach the milestones of an adult, and that realization makes me so depressed.

Definitely. I tried doing an office job once but it was clearly not for me. And the funny thing is, my dream has always been to become a writer… welp, I’m now a writer (not the fun novelist kind, but the bullshit marketing kind) and I hate every minute of it. Ruined my passion for wordsmithing because now I can’t do it just for creativity’s sake because I don’t have the time and I kinda need the money

I think often about it. To me there’s the life that happens to you, and it’s not necessarily a life that you want or choose. I think most people accept what life brings them, and are largely passive observers of their life. Its not some innate thing like “NPC” language implies - but I think our society is built on people not being too active in choosing their own destiny. for those of us who have “destinies” and circumstances that are contra to our own desires, there is a dysphoria present.

Overcoming the inertia of life and the expectations present at every level of lived life isn’t easy - at times it demands lurching into uncertainty, danger, and facing the unknown in a way that humans get conditioned to avoid at most costs. But I think I would personally rather die than submit to the mediocrities on offer for my compliance with late capitalism. It’s too much of a spiritual death, a soul death, to bear. There is true living and love for life where finding a destiny we can all abide.

I don’t have specific answers, but i know the feeling and i know that comporting myself to the influences of the world as it is fucking sucks and is loser behavior

Yes.

I tried doing what I was “supposed” (expected?) to do for a while. By age 23 it was clearly not working out, everything seemed to be falling apart in my life and even if it wasn’t, it didn’t have the promise of going anywhere.

Finding people doing actual organizing in controversion of capitalism and empire made a switch in my life. And while I’ll never have a “regular” professional career or suburban lifestyle, life is much more rewarding and true to myself than it ever was before.