We can’t let you bring this bottle of “water” on the plane because it me an explosive…so I’m just gonna to throw it into this garbage can full of all the other potential explosives in the most densely packed area of the airport…

For anyone wondering this is a VERY old xkcd comic.

The worst code I have ever seen, the truly horrible stuff that gives me nightmares was written by myself six months ago.

I think a boot camp would be really useful for cobblers

I’m a real man… I’m going to work at Hitachi making large heavy construction equipment… Like cranes and back loaders… Wait what do you mean “personal massager department”???

my entire family has diarrhea it runs in our jeans…

Why does everyone jump to murder?

“what did you do on purge night?”

“I took everything from the local Walmart and now drive a fararri on weekends and a Maserati on week days.”

I had a Microsoft support scammer once… I let him in to my system too…well not really.

I quickly spin up a quick fresh install of slack ware Linux in a virtual machine that didn’t even have x11 never mind wine installed. When it was up I told him a friend uses something called tellynet (aka telnet but I was playing dumb) to help me on the computer.

He telnetted in and could not understand why any of his malware wasn’t working…

I’ve told this story before it’s funny so I’ll repeat it… It was the early 2000s and I heard a song on the radio where a man made a bunch of funny sounds with his voice and the only lyrics I remembered were “I’m the scat man”. I was interested to see what else he made…

I went on to kazza and search “scat man”, found a video I assumed was a music video and downloaded… Several hours later (56k modem)…

My childhood was lost forever.

I mean the white house did say we should start building with rust…