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I feel like I’m in the waning days of whatever freedom allowed me to transition, and that I or people like me will end up as genocide statistics in a ravaged world. It’s been hard to get up every day.
I feel that. I came to realise I was transfem earlier last year and I live on TERF Island, so we traded one transphobic government for another one. It’s hard, and I’m still figuring out what I’m going to do about it 🙁
Same… I’m trying to get things sorted as soon as I can, and hopefully starting monotherapy soon, but even then I’m still gonna have to keep an eye on supply chains and government policies potentially forever from the look of things. I’m scared, for myself and everyone else both here and in the rest of the world. None of us asked for this but it’s all framed like it’s our fault somehow
It’s a special kind of hell isn’t it? I’m flip-flopping between “I’ll just suppress it, my dysphoria isn’t too bad” and fatalistic “I’m just gonna fucking do it and fuck everyone who argues 🖕” Current plan is to LARP as a cis guy being very obnoxiously pro-trans, I can at least hopefully make some TERFs uncomfortable that way
scared :c
Good and bad. I seem to be stuck in a “I’m really happy with feminizing HRT, but I’m faking being a woman” brain loop. Having switched to patches I have the fun of titrating up again, so it might just be poor hormone levels making me feel shitty.
Went out the other day in as full girl-mode as I can manage. It was fun, and easily the least dissatisfied I’ve ever been with my appearance.
Wife is reluctant to use my new name. Which is a bit surprising since she’s been supportive so far, so I guess I’ll have to try to find out what’s bothering her and (gently) explain that this is a big deal, and it’s not going to go away.
Ewphoria! An older guy that knows me (but I’m not yet out to) said something that roughly translates to “you look so much like a woman I almost want to feel your ass.” Which is, um, a weird thing to say. But kind of validating. So thanks, but no thanks, I guess?
It’s… not great. I won’t lie, I am pretty fucking scared right now. Europe is turning more right wing every day and I feel like it is all going to shit very soon.
Started seeing a counsellor to help me process stuff. Feels more productive than calling Samaritans again, but it’s good they are there, v grateful. Being genderfluid is tiring because one moment I know what I want, clear as day, the next I don’t feel it.
