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My week has been a little rough, but as an middle aged enbi who lived a storied life out in the south, I have been preparing for this for a few years now. I’ve better cultivated self care routines like turning off social media when I am feeling dysregulated by the influx of bad news and finding resistance in my own joy (Gardening and social work), I’ve been stockpiling/curating supplies for me and mine (medically and otherwise), I moved to parts of the US years ago where I have laid down roots and grown connections, and - most important of all, I have been putting all of my eggs into my local community, not just the LGBT+ community, but all local community. My neighbors, no matter their class, creed, or political alignment. It’s made for some pretty difficult if not downright, uh, reprehensible talks, but sometimes living my authentic life comes with small minded questions. I’ve gotten better at setting my boundaries, disengaging or defending myself, and figuring out who and what situation is worth my limited time and joy.
This week has been, again, a lot but I remind myself that that is fascism’s intentions. To overwhelm and demoralize, to cultivate a sense of fear and hopelessness - and that I have to fight that sensation when I see the barrage of bad news, to step away from that mire and breathe, do my best to cultivate the light within myself and others, that hope, connection, and, I don’t know, purpose? I work to shape that fear, anger, and anxiety into a tool to keep me going during the rough times and it’s coming in handy a lot right now.
All that to say, do not give up, friends. Hold on, hold out, hold off.
Trying to move cause Ive been wanting start hrt but moving out of red hell seems Impossible so
Started seeing a counsellor to help me process stuff. Feels more productive than calling Samaritans again, but it’s good they are there, v grateful. Being genderfluid is tiring because one moment I know what I want, clear as day, the next I don’t feel it.
I came out to the one person that matters most, and everything was OK. Like better than OK. What was the point of all that internal torture I put myself through? Finally feel like I can breathe again.
Still think the gods are having a huge laugh at my expense over the timing though.
Aww, that’s great <3 I’m so glad it went well.
Edit: actually now that I come to think of it, the timing is probably not a coincidence – it’s the Streisand effect. All the transphobic noise at the moment has pushed transgender people into the zeitgeist, and that has probably helped a lot of people figure themselves out. So thanks, crazy people!
scared :c
