120 points
*

In the days immediately after my dad’s death, I had the house to myself and had retreated to my basement/office space to have a stress-relieving wank. Just outside of my space was my daughter’s battery-operated activity table that was known to play jingles at random. What it was not well known for was playing the giggling sound effect at random. So imagine how quickly I put my dick away when that table laughed at me not once, not twice, but three times in the span of a minute.

If that wasn’t my dad’s ghost making fun of me, I don’t know what it was.

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41 points

And pasta has been made

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19 points

I’m not eating that pasta…

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16 points

It has Alfredo in it

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7 points

Are we witnessing history being made?

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4 points
*

One time I was throwing kid toys into the toybox when suddenly a horse whinny came out of the box. I thought Frau Blücher had showed up.

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2 points

maybe you just got really lucky and picked the statistically most optimal time for it to play three giggle sounds back to back, while you were jorkin it.

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17 points

If Grandma wants to watch me flick the bean, that’s a her problem.

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200 points

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Isn’t gambling bad? Why is that in heaven?

🤔

The Good Place Season 1 Spoilers

Could it be… that…

THIS

IS

THE BAD PLACE!

😱

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32 points

Gambling is bad because of the consequences of gambling when you have finite resources to lose. I assume that any form of heaven is post-scarcity so betting is done just for recreational purposes.

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6 points

It’s wild to me that people think heaven is like earth but nice

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8 points

One could argue that any form of addiction ought to be avoided on principle if your goal is to remain “pure”

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5 points

Man I called that, along with probably a ton of others, from the very first episode. Still, the writers did such a good job with it I was not disappointed that the very obvious twist indeed was the twist.

Also for some reason, not sure if it’s just my app (Sync) but your spoiler tags didn’t work right. Idk why you have >!spoiler and not just >! Like if it’s my app making it display wrong or that breaks the tag beats me.

Could also, maybe more likely, be the end tag being --!< That might fuck up the syntax.

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6 points

I use Sync, and have learned that our spoilers don’t work for other users and their spoilers don’t work for us.

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26 points

Cat girls are not furries. And I’m willing to die on this hill.

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1 point

Humans are apes, and therefore we’re all ape furries. Since catgirls are girls, and girls are human, and humans are all ape furries, catgirls are furries.

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28 points

Well there’s a spectrum isn’t there and everybody puts their marker just slightly ahead of what they like. Unless you go full furry, in which case I guess you don’t have any use for the marker

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5 points

Isn’t there a thing for butt-sharpies? I remember a nsfw subreddit focused on the markers

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15 points

I won’t argue with you, but the hill you’re gonna die on is named Furry Mountain.

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10 points
2 points
*

NOOOOOOO!

EDIT: Oh wait, I don’t actually care about cat girls. Hugs wolf ear girl

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6 points

I’ll accept that argument as long as they are normal women who wear cat themed accessories and act like a cats. But if we’re talking full anime cat human hybrids, then I’m afraid you’re in furry town.

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3 points

i mean, technically by the most barebones definition of the word, they are anthropomorphic, and do technically count as “furry”

if you’re looking for a “harkness” test here, e621 allows humanoid characters, i.e. catgirls, therefore catgirls are in fact, furry.

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50 points

Fun fact:

The Bible says everyone goes to heaven at the same time. So I guess the souls just chill out until the rapture happens?

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13 points

heaven is not a place you go. it’s a state of you, your surroundings and the world. we create it not get taken to it. that’s the hard part people don’t get. NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE US, WE WILL NOT BE MAGICALLY TELEPORTED ANYWHERE

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3 points

As much as this sounds negative, the optimistic nihilist in me sees it as a beautiful liberating realization.

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2 points

it’s not negative. be in charge of your own destiny and stop giving hope to a false idea

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2 points

Of course I won’t be teleported, I’ll just slowly ascend into the sky, where the oxygen thins out, and I eventually freeze solid in the vacuum of space.

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2 points

space right

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14 points

The Bible says everyone goes to heaven at the same time.

I don’t think that’s clear in the text, and that’s historically been a major point of theological contention. I think the debate in the US 1800s over “soul sleep” and the affiliated quasi-cults that sprung up after the Millerite movement (Seventh Day Adventists, Jehovahs Witnesses) had very strong opinions on whether you go to heaven immediately, stay “asleep” in the ground until God starts resurrecting people, wait in some kind of cosmic waiting room for the resurrections, or if you are just flat out dead until God wakes you up. (Of course, JW’s are so committed to bad exegesis that they’ll die rather than receive a blood infusion, because “don’t eat animal blood” in the ritual purity laws of course means “don’t receive human blood infusions.”)

Think about Mormon baptism for the dead. Those people aren’t in heaven or hell (because at least the lower kingdoms of heaven aren’t even set up yet - all of us non-Mormons are going to be hanging out on Earth 2.0 when we die). Mormons are experts at genealogy because they’re trying to make sure that every great-great-great-great-grandparent they have gets a chance at salvation.

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1 point

hard pill to swallow but we get reincarnated over and over again there are no souls in the ground or “cosmic waiting room”. we are forced back until we “build heaven on earth”

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3 points

That might be your belief system, but it has little to do with the text of the Bible and historical/modern ideas of its interpretation.

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14 points

Yeah, they hadn’t figured out relativity yet back then. The soul departs the body at the speed of light, meaning everyone who does reaches heaven instantly. Since it’s so far away, from our perspective, it takes essentially forever thanks to time dilation.

You can trust me, I have a PhD in bullshit.

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4 points

A plain reading suggests that everyone is dead and stays that way until the eschaton when they’re resurrected. So the only people in heaven would be the Jewish souls that Jesus directly put there that had been dwelling in the gloomy underground afterlife.

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13 points

Yes, that’s what purgatory is for, it’s basically a waiting room before heaven

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8 points

I think that’s the Dispensationalist view, but I’m not sure how much of that is explicitly supported by Biblical text. Someone could correct me if I’m wrong.

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1 point

The lines are going to be terrible.

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1 point

Another fun fact, there are no Pearly Gates in the Bible.

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4 points

John of Patmos would like a word with you:

And the twelve gates were twelve pearls; every several gate was of one pearl: and the street of the city was pure gold, as it were transparent glass.

  • Revelation 21:21, KJV

Here’s the full chapter for context. There may be some room for arguing whether the “new Jerusalem” is Heaven. But since it’s pretty clear that God lives there, I think it fulfills the same general purpose.

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121 points

Never going to gargle balls as good as grandma did it.

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42 points

Those were the days bless her soul and her mouth.

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12 points

Heart and soul - Normal, average, accepted Mouth and soul - New, outlier, shunned

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