Someone I know shows stuff such as:
- constantly needing a scapegoat
- shifting blame/cannot take accountability
- exaggerated mindset, often where other people are useless and they are the greatest
- has to maintain a very positive public image, such as being the absolute best
- does not have empathy unless it involves them or impacts their image in some way, if their image is supposed to be empathetic they will act so because of their image
- lacks empathy for people in pain/bad mental health/etc. but their image might be very upset about that
- will often be very nice to people in any sort of power
I’m asking because I’m genuinely curious if I should help, and maybe that even if they exhibit negative behaviors, they’re not a completely TERRIBLE person despite how they treat me.
You are literally describing narcissism. If they are incredibly important to you then you can hope they decide to pursue cognitive behavioral therapy but IRL you cannot make them fix this. Behavioral disorders are very hard to confront especially NPD because the person with it rarely sees the issue.
First, I want to point out how much I HATE when people throw around the term narcissist for any general run of the mill asshole.
That being said, this person sounds like a narcissist.
Reminds me of my mom. And it took me about 30 years to figure that one out! Like you said, “they’re not a completely TERRIBLE person despite how they treat me.” It’s not easy to give up on someone that you are close to. Especially when, that other person is NOT MENTALLY ABLE to know that they did something wrong. They are shocked that you would overreact in such a way, after all that they’ve done for you! And they’ll remind you of the time YOU messed up, and besides, it wasn’t their fault anyway, you misunderstood/ can’t take a joke / shouldn’t listen to those liars who told you that.
There’s no hope here. Only pain. You can never show them the light, if you try to explain how they hurt you, they’ll get upset because you’re “being so mean to them”. And by the end of that conversation, you somehow end up apologizing to them. And wondering how the hell you ended up in this situation AGAIN.
Trying to teach them how to feel regret or guilt is like trying to teach someone paralyzed from the neck down how to walk. They just can’t do it, and insisting that they could if they just listened is just going to piss everyone off.
Hope my ramblings helped some. I’m sorry you’re in this position.
People with NPD have to see they have an issue and want to change. Most never do
I’m convinced they are unable to. They don’t choose to ignore it, their mind never lets them know.
One of my friends acts almost exactly like this.
He is not an awful human being, but he isn’t the greatest either.
I’ve learned that he has to reach conclusions on his own and will seldom accept advice or constructive criticism. Sometimes it takes literal years for him to come to the same reasonable conclusion to a problem that I offered to him.
He is a brat. The culture he came from allows the eldest male in the family to act out however they want because they will become the leader of the family later on. So it’s best to let them do what they want in fear of later retaliation.
But seriously…he is an entitled brat. Love the dude, but reality just hits him differently.
Sounds like a perfect personality. Presidential material, even.
I’d like to link two vids from a youtube channel which depicts neurodivergent behaviour in an accessible way. Note that these most definitely are not check lists or a diagnostic tool
Pixie-gags Sociopathy & Narcism
