I think part of my hopelessness is that I am realizing hrt has not done anything to my face, I figured this out since I am still pretty recognizable. the only thing hrt has done for me is give me boobs, which usually results in hey dead name, you should loose some weight when i am recognized in public. I just feel hopeless and I want this nightmare to end.
From what I remember about your face, you look androgynous at worst, with makeup and styling easily taking you the rest of the way.
Transitioning makes it possible to love yourself, but you still need to dispel the self hatred like everyone else. It’s a struggle for cis people, so of course transition isn’t going to automatically fix that problem. You still need to recognize that your life is worth fighting for. You deserve to be loved, especially by yourself.
We can’t just take a medication to escape our shame. The right hormones will only open the gate, but you must surrender the comforting assumption that you’re inherently a piece of shit. Your appearance is hopeless in your mind, and will remain that way as long as you believe it. Self judgments are not more accurate by virtue of being negative.
I’m not invalidating your fears, but I am invalidating your hate. You don’t deserve it and it does not help you. Critiques made out of love can drive improvement, but not mental self harm.
I think you need to come out to those people. It’s scary, and in the immediate-term very bad, but after that… you get recognition. Not being recognized as yourself suuuuucks.
facial feminization surgery can be very effective but it costs money (like many quality of life things)
I have some experience in this area. Here is my advice. Get laser for any facial hair. Learn how to do makeup(esp if you are worried about jawline, etc) and dress for your body. Practice yoga and mindfulness. Find a supportive female/trans friend to help you grow and give you criticism on your look.
