I think part of my hopelessness is that I am realizing hrt has not done anything to my face, I figured this out since I am still pretty recognizable. the only thing hrt has done for me is give me boobs, which usually results in hey dead name, you should loose some weight when i am recognized in public. I just feel hopeless and I want this nightmare to end.
From what I remember about your face, you look androgynous at worst, with makeup and styling easily taking you the rest of the way.
Transitioning makes it possible to love yourself, but you still need to dispel the self hatred like everyone else. It’s a struggle for cis people, so of course transition isn’t going to automatically fix that problem. You still need to recognize that your life is worth fighting for. You deserve to be loved, especially by yourself.
We can’t just take a medication to escape our shame. The right hormones will only open the gate, but you must surrender the comforting assumption that you’re inherently a piece of shit. Your appearance is hopeless in your mind, and will remain that way as long as you believe it. Self judgments are not more accurate by virtue of being negative.
I’m not invalidating your fears, but I am invalidating your hate. You don’t deserve it and it does not help you. Critiques made out of love can drive improvement, but not mental self harm.
the people who know you are not going to start addressing you differently unless you come out to them and they’re respectful.
Are you out to these people? I don’t know how long you’ve been on HRT, or at what age you started, but if you’ve been on HRT a bit there have to have been some changes.
It can be hard for people to notice differences, unless you point them out, and if you’re boymoding then people (not to be too assumptive, but I’m guessing your male friends?) probably won’t pick up on any feminine energy you’re radiating ;).
As for their comments about your weight, I’m so sorry that you have to hear that because it can be so discouraging during tough points in your life. That said, keeping with the assumption thess friends are men, keep in mind that a lot of male socialization revolves around the concept of the “burn,” and they might not be intending to be as hurtful as they are.
Taking my experiences coming out as bisexual (and trans, to some people) into consideration, I believe that people can’t surprise you unless you give them a chance. Some will be as you expected, but you will always be surprised.
I hope your experience gets better soon, much love <3
only 4 comments from this account, all calling transfems male on trans posts
dude created an account just to shit on ppl in trans communities
go touch grass mate
I wish I had seen their comment about my large manly hands before it got removed because I honestly had a comeback on lock.
“Ikr? Thank God, makes it so much easier to practice ;)”
Remember girls, beauty comes from how you see you. Even if the transphobes bother you - you are unbothered.
