jadedwench [they/them]
First, I am a pan-sexual woman with severe ADHD and a sprinkling of BPD. If I have a meltdown or an episode, I am VERY sorry. Let me take 5, and I can apologize and be a reasonable human being again. None of this is an excuse, but it at least explains it. I assure you, I will be tearing myself apart with guilt and embarrassment for far longer than is healthy. I would be eternally grateful if you could have a little patience and not pour fuel on the fire. I would never wish any of these disorders on anyone. I will do my best.
Who am I? That is always a difficult question to answer as self introspection can be a rather painful and difficult exercise. I don’t believe we are always the same. We all change, but we do like to make the same choices over and over. If I had to sum myself up, I am a force of nature who cares too much.
I tried to make them work, but having pill bottles in one place and then the organizer separate just made it too stressful. I am not home every day, so having one little bag with it all just helps. The organizer got a little beat up in my backpack. I do have a little metal keychain pill holder that I put 2-3 days of pills in sometimes.
I also have a couple meds that are “as needed” or for emergencies. The big one is needing to keep an eye on the date and exact counts of how much Adderall is left. I just went through the unfortunate experience of not having meds for 3-4 days and I was a mess. It wasn’t even my fault…
I have all of my medicine bottles in a bright red makeup bag. I would be hopeless otherwise. Makeup bags are nice because they are very wide and deep. The growing pile of pill bottles fit nicely. I am talking about the more boxy shaped ones without anything inside them. Mine is around 8cm wide, 13cm high, and 20cm long. Really rough measurements.
Fucking hell. NSFW tag missing.
Thanks. I am huge proponent that we can actually change things about ourselves. Without going on a very long ted talk, my thoughts mostly revolve around admitting to yourself and taking ownership that you did or thought something wrong. Don’t excuse it. The rest is repetition and letting your inner changes evolve into calling shitty behavior out.
One thing I started doing the last decade was to really focus more on bodily autonomy in casual situations, despite my southern upbringing. I never really forced myself on anyone and I hyper focus on other people’s emotions as it is, so, I know when to back off or be docile. However, I didn’t really think about it consciously. I needed to be better.
Two stories.
I remember some older lady just touching my hair to show it to someone else in the office and how utterly uncomfortable it made me. I had already thought a lot about how awful POC have it and I could never imagine touching a strangers hair without asking. For a moment, I got a taste of that discomfort and it really pushed me to be less complacent.
The worst thing I did was just yank a gray hair out of my best friend’s head. She did not like it. To this day I am utterly horrified I did it and still apologize. I don’t even care about gray hair! I can’t believe I let a stupid beauty trope I grew up with just come out of nowhere. I have no idea what possessed me.
No more generations that force kids to be hugged when they do not want to. I do not hug or touch people without asking first, even if I know them fairly well. I have a few friends that usually force themselves to accept hugs, even when they don’t want to be touched. I make sure kids know that they do not have to put up with it and they can say no as much as anybody else. It is such a simple concept to follow.
That is a kind of shitty response from World and seems a little condescending to me, but tone is difficult. You are welcome here and I would rather you stay and interact with the rest of us than leave the fediverse. Your voice matters and I didn’t have the same outlets when I was your age.