When we used to order pizza in middle school, kids would fold the slices one on top of the other and eat them like a big sandwich. That was the most popular way to avoid questions about whether they would share it with others. Not to mention, most people snuck to the toilet for feasting.

1. Place the plastic table on your nose
2. Remove the crust and lick it like a rabbi at a circumcision
3. Roll pieces 1,3,5 from tip to girth and arrange them into an F shape
4. Roll pieces 2,4,6 from girth to tip and arrange them into a U shape.
5. Thank the pizza guy who is holding the box still, and then slam the door in his face.
6. Continue licking the crust you hid in your pocket, and then dial for another pizza

In a blender

https://youtu.be/H4Hkx3Qa1vY

You throw it away, not eating it.

Spiral sliced and slurped as one giant noodle.