I finally got myself medicated, and I absolutely love that I can focus on tasks and be actually productive. However, I have to remind myself that it’s ok to take a break, because I still get tired 😅
I always forget to be proud of - or even acknowledge - my achievements 😩
Not only that but the comments I get when I finally have a productive day. “See, I knew you could do it! Why don’t you just do this every day?”
It’s like training for a marathon, finally running said marathon and having people blame you for not just running a full marathon every day in the first place. Clearly you can, so why don’t you?
This might make me sound kind of shitty, and I don’t care, but I lie about my productivity.
Can’t harness the ADHD superpowers for a project that has a 4-month timeline until the last two weeks, then bang it all out to perfection in a frenzied mania?
Every status update is ‘I’m making steady progress. I have x, y and x done, but I’m having struggles with this part of it, etc.” I don’t lie or misrepresent the actual state of my progress, but I do downplay how much work I get done while riding the rocket of ADHD productivity. And I also play up how much work I do while I’m stuck trying to squeeze some dopamine from the rocks in my head.
If I bang out a project early, I guesstimate what should be done when, and reveal those parts at status updates along the way.
Sure - I still know that I’m inconsistent, and perhaps not living up to my actual potential in every situation, but I also know that I can outperform everyone I work with when the fire has me. So rather than show the gaps, I mask and don’t deal with the guilt.
Personal belief - work is about value extraction from you. If you show that you’re not maximally providing value at all times, you could be subject to judgement. So, show that you’re working steadily and avoid the judgement.
In other words: Set the expectation and roll with that expectation. But let the ADHDemon loose a month before evaluations come due. Your boss forgets too, but the demon likes raises and will definitely give you dopamine for that prospect.
It sucks that you have to do that, but I know people who manage projects just want progress to come in on a steady drip feed. Hopefully some day you’ll get a decent manager who can understand your work style and roll with it though, or maybe get to the point of setting your own destiny!
Except you did the marathon in a world record time, and almost every other time you attempted it, you couldn’t get halfway through at a walking pace.
Expectations are one of the biggest pitfalls for me. Whether they be mine, a friend/family member, a work manager, coworker, or sometimes others. It gets to me and can make me feel very frustrated and/or overwhelmed.
It’s been a loooonnnngggg journey for me to better understand that this is one of my triggers and how to best prevent it and work with it when it happens. (It’s not pretty at times but showing up to fight the good fight is better than cowering to it IMO.)
Dont worry, that inconsistency will haunt you through out your entire professional life and probably personal life too. You can expect to be pulled into constant meetings about your Performance, communication, and consistency.
The best days will be when your manager talks to you about that consistency, only to have your partner hit you with the same types of complaints.
I’d like to offer a reframe that’s been helpful to me, if I may.
The inconsistency will haunt you throughout your entire life, but only if you let it. Learning how to embrace and understand my emotions (instead of controlling [or suppressing] them) has been incredibly worthwhile to me. Therapy is a good avenue for this, but I understand it’s both expensive and not yet fully accepted by American culture. I also recommend the book The Tao of Fully Feeling, and here’s an excerpt: https://www.pete-walker.com/taoFullyFeeling.htm
Do you also get
“You do such great work, and you go so deep on everything. But you need to work on finishing that last 5-10% of a project, it always takes you so long”
I so identify with this. Today and second half of yesterday were crushing it days. Wish I could keep it going
