Hiya ladies,
With my hair growing, nails manicured, and eyebrows shaped, it’s going to become harder and harder to boymode inconspicuously around family or friends (only my partner knows). On the other side of that, I’m nowhere near passing or even presenting femme in public, which makes the idea of coming out quite scary as they’re seeing masculinity when I’m declaring femininity.
Part of me wants to wait like two years and then one day suddenly appear as my new completely feminine (hopefully beautiful!) self without any warning or advance notice! So people see the best version of myself, rather than seeing the mid-transition mess I am right now (or pre-transition mess I was!). But realistically I know that’s not gonna work!
So I’d love to hear some coming out stories and when in your transition you decided it was right for you! And how those you came out to responded, if you’re comfortable sharing that!
Coming out was a lot easier for me than expected. My Mom’s side of the family is cool and when I came out to them as a trans enby and mentioned wanting to start hormone therapy they were incredibly supportive.
What was a real surprise was my Dad’s reaction. We’d grown apart since I was outed as gay at 16, and he really doesn’t “get” why I’d want to transition, but after clearing up a bit of confusion he accepted me as well. Just wants me to be happy. Woo!! __
Its great to hear that your dad came around :)
Personally I probably couldn’t have resisted a little trolling along the lines of “Hey dad, so I am technically no longer gay…” :D
I was in a mental hospital (because I was suicidal, because I’m trans) when I told my dad. I specifically told him that this is the reason why I was there and he still thinks “it’s just a phase” and deadnames me whenever I’m around. I just hope it gets better when I’m on HRT, but for now I just avoid him
I came out almost immediately for a couple reasons:
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my mental health was total garbage and boymoding was literally unbearable
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I knew that most of my friends and family were pretty accepting and open minded
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I lived in a very diverse and accepting city at the time
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this was during the height of Covid restrictions so nobody was going out anyway
Basically the discomfort of hiding my true self overrode the fear of being openly and visibly trans lol
Fortunately everyone I came out to was really positive about it. I was prepared to cut out a few of my extended family members if it came to that, but thankfully I didn’t need to
The only thing I wish could have gone differently is that I stayed in the closet at work. I had some problematic coworkers so I didn’t feel safe being openly trans there. Unsurprisingly I didn’t last long at that job lol
I got out of the closet on vacation in a different city just to see what it would do to me. Well, it was simply impossible to get back in. I wanted to wait half a year longer but this was simply the new reality and all I could do is to try to handle it somehow.
And as I’m sure we’ve all experienced it seems to be a bigger and more difficult process for some people than it is to even ourselves. It keeps surprising me how people react. It’s such a large range.
For example I have a conservative religious aunt, but she seemed genuinely hyped for me and I never got a bad feeling from her. I’d like to visit her.
Another aunt just doesn’t seem to care at all, which means she keeps deadnaming me nonstop. It’s confusing me.
Then my mom who has professionally worked with trans people and comes across as open minded kept making the meanest comments you can imagine. I’m afraid of her now.
So ya it’s like an amazing thing to get out of the closet, but it also means you’ll have to handle a large range of reactions. Oh and lots of questions about genitals for some reason.
One thing I can say is that I wouldn’t stress too much about the whole mid transition mess thing. No one, including you, will really remember it or see it as important once its over.
It’s hugely important when you’re in the middle of it, but it doesn’t stay that way :)
