I am in the interview process for a job in a research group and it is going well so far. The only issue is that I was attracted to the person that interviewed me and I am going to be working with if I get hired.
My girlfriend is the most important person in the world for me so I don’t want to risk catching feelings for someone else, but I also need to find a job if I am to rent a place to finally live with her.
What would you do in my case? Would you stop the interview process and try to find a job elsewhere or would you go for it and trust that you would do the right thing?
This question might sound deranged to you, but I have the full autism/ADHD/OCD combo so I am very out of touch with how the average person thinks.
Do you trust yourself to conduct yourself in an ethical manner if you did work there? If so, then I’d probably work there. If not then that is something you should probably consider. If it’s the former, do not hang out with this coworker and keep things strictly professional.
Do you trust yourself to conduct yourself in an ethical manner if you did work there?
I do not. Not because I have actually done something bad, but I probably am a bit more impulsive than the average person due to ADHD, and I also have the anxious attatchment style in the context of the relationship, so I don’t want to be in a situation where I could act out or something. Also I believe in avoiding temptation in contrast to resisting temptation, so it makes sense to me. Of course you can’t always avoid having to interact with an attractive person, but it seems to me like it’s another thing when you go into such a situation knowingly.
I think if you are having issues around self control and cheating, then maybe your girlfriend isn’t the one for you. Maybe it’s a sign that there is someone else for you.
think if you are having issues around self control and cheating, then maybe your girlfriend isn’t the one for you. Maybe it’s a sign that there is someone else
I never said I have cheated or even come close to. I have self control issues in other areas such as binge eating when stressed but that’s it
I think you have to learn how to do the right thing, and that looks like a great exercise in understanding different forms of relationships with people. It’s clear what’s in and out of bounds, given the professional context, and your personal relationships.
I don’t think there’s too much to be afraid of, and being aware of your weaknesses gives you an edge to go in there in relative safety.
You’ll meet a bunch of attractive (to you) people through work. You won’t be able to avoid it forever. I suggest you to work on yourself to avoid professional problems in the future.
At the end of the day, you’re in control of your actions. You can catch feelings with as many people as you’d like but the only thing that really matters is which one of them you’ve put in the work with, and who you’re willing to do the hard work of building a relationship with.
If your girlfriend is the most important person in the world to you, you don’t have anything else to worry about. I wouldn’t pass up a job I was excited for over something like this.
On the inverse - are you maybe having these thoughts because you’re not as secure in your relationship as you should be? It’s something to consider. You might find that you have repressed feelings that are unresolved, or you might become even more confident in your current relationship.
It’s true that I am not secure, I get a lot of anxiety if I haven’t seen her (not communicated) for some days, and I am a bit of an attention seeker. And that’s something I have to resolve, but it also scares me because people with the same traits as me (maybe magnified) do cheat
If I cheated everytime I worked with someone I find attractive I would have cheated dozens of times. Cheating isn’t something you have to do, just… Don’t do it. Also as others have said, start working in yourself, positive directions, self improvement…if you need to chat, message me.
