I am in the interview process for a job in a research group and it is going well so far. The only issue is that I was attracted to the person that interviewed me and I am going to be working with if I get hired.
My girlfriend is the most important person in the world for me so I don’t want to risk catching feelings for someone else, but I also need to find a job if I am to rent a place to finally live with her.
What would you do in my case? Would you stop the interview process and try to find a job elsewhere or would you go for it and trust that you would do the right thing?
This question might sound deranged to you, but I have the full autism/ADHD/OCD combo so I am very out of touch with how the average person thinks.
Polyamory?
I would. Attractive people are everywhere, it is unavoidable. The solution isn’t to avoid the job, but rather to respect that person, your significant other, and your own values enough to maintain appropriate boundaries. Don’t flirt and don’t respond to flirtatious behavior if the other person initiates. Stay professional and tactful.
If I cheated everytime I worked with someone I find attractive I would have cheated dozens of times. Cheating isn’t something you have to do, just… Don’t do it. Also as others have said, start working in yourself, positive directions, self improvement…if you need to chat, message me.
You’ll meet a bunch of attractive (to you) people through work. You won’t be able to avoid it forever. I suggest you to work on yourself to avoid professional problems in the future.
At the end of the day, you’re in control of your actions. You can catch feelings with as many people as you’d like but the only thing that really matters is which one of them you’ve put in the work with, and who you’re willing to do the hard work of building a relationship with.
If your girlfriend is the most important person in the world to you, you don’t have anything else to worry about. I wouldn’t pass up a job I was excited for over something like this.
On the inverse - are you maybe having these thoughts because you’re not as secure in your relationship as you should be? It’s something to consider. You might find that you have repressed feelings that are unresolved, or you might become even more confident in your current relationship.
It’s true that I am not secure, I get a lot of anxiety if I haven’t seen her (not communicated) for some days, and I am a bit of an attention seeker. And that’s something I have to resolve, but it also scares me because people with the same traits as me (maybe magnified) do cheat