I am in the interview process for a job in a research group and it is going well so far. The only issue is that I was attracted to the person that interviewed me and I am going to be working with if I get hired.
My girlfriend is the most important person in the world for me so I don’t want to risk catching feelings for someone else, but I also need to find a job if I am to rent a place to finally live with her.
What would you do in my case? Would you stop the interview process and try to find a job elsewhere or would you go for it and trust that you would do the right thing?
This question might sound deranged to you, but I have the full autism/ADHD/OCD combo so I am very out of touch with how the average person thinks.
I would. Attractive people are everywhere, it is unavoidable. The solution isn’t to avoid the job, but rather to respect that person, your significant other, and your own values enough to maintain appropriate boundaries. Don’t flirt and don’t respond to flirtatious behavior if the other person initiates. Stay professional and tactful.
Well, I’m poly, so I’d just discuss it with my girlfriend. Idk how monogamous people deal with these issues. In my experience, my attraction to people wanes pretty quick when I focus on interests/ideas they have that I don’t like or disagree with, things that would bother me if we lived together, sexual compatibility, etc. Suck the wind out of infatuation’s sails by doing a pragmatic analysis of what a potential relationship might look like. It also helps you appreciate your partner(s) more, because you already have compatibility and comfort there.
But I would still take the job, yeah.
Yes, but we seem to be very different people. I’m gonna guess you’re younger and this is one of your first jobs? I would never give up a job because I was worried about being surrounded by attractive people, in fact it will likely make your job more pleasant. You need to have a struggle session with yourself and dissect where these fears are coming from like others have said.
One sign of maturity is coming to terms that attractive people are normal people too, and that you need to delineate legitimately wanting to change partners, and just feeling horny lol. If you are worried about self-control, set boundaries and be mindful of your behaviour, especially if you are under the influence.
Polyamory?
Are you incapable of being weird about it? Then… maybe its best for everybody to find some other place to work.
If you’re aware of your attraction and can keep things socially acceptable and professional, there’s no reason not to.
I had been working at a place with about 100 employees for quite a while. I’m not a super social person but, given the interactive nature of the work environment and the years spent there, I had developed a few casual work friendships. It took me by surprise when I realized I, a married guy close to 10 years older than the person in question, had a huge crush on one of the work friends. Once I realized what was happening, I slowly backed off interacting with them as often to let my feelings cool down.
I am not incapable, just afraid of being incapable ig. You handled that matter perfectly, kudos
