I have always found this argument to be hilarious in a deeply sexist way.
Why? Because it takes two to tango.
If young women really did find older men repulsive and creepy, why do so many of them date older men? Why do a fair number of them marry older men, especially in this era of unprecedented economic opportunities for women?
The fact is, such attitudes against a very historically normal pairing is shaming two people who are functional adults for their very adult choices and decisions.
Or do you somehow disagree that an 18-yo woman isn’t a “functional adult”? Because I see that attitude of infantilizing and bubble-wrapping women against the consequences of their own choices and decisions as deeply sexist, and a prime example of misogyny.
Meanwhile, men of that exact same age can be forcibly conscripted to fight and die in some foreign oil-war that they never had an opportunity to vote against. How are we adult enough at that age to die without any choice in the matter, but women aren’t adult enough to choose whom to be with?
Gotta love that gender bigotry.
You just argued for men not being drafted at 18 - they are mere kids. Women, on the other hand!
It’s been scientifically proven that 18 year olds’ brains aren’t fully developed. Biologically, no you are not an adult at 18. Arguing that it’s all good because both parties are ostensibly consenting adults is besides the point. The older party, no matter what gender, shouldn’t be chasing people well outside their peer group. There’s obviously a layer of manipulation when 2 people of wildly different ages get together.
why do so many of them date older men?
Do they?
Or do you somehow disagree that an 18-yo woman isn’t a “functional adult”?
I do, because your brain doesn’t finish maturing until you’re 25.
Meanwhile, men of that exact same age can be forcibly conscripted to fight and die in some foreign oil-war that they never had an opportunity to vote against.
That’s wrong, too. The age of conscription should be 25, for the reason I gave above.
People are probably not functional adults until 23-25. But it’s harder to mold a 25yo to die in a war for you than a 18yo.
I do agree with your general point - it takes two to tango. And a lot of the older women complaining have themselves dated across the chasm when they were younger.
It always felt odd to me and still does though - I feel that the larger the gap the more it reveals deeper issues for both sides.
What I also find deeply hypocritical is how many of these women treat a gender chasm in the first place:
- Young woman with older man? That pervert! He’s a pedophile!!
- Older woman with a young guy? You go, girl! Ride him like a cowgirl!
And yes, that age gap can be identical in both examples.
And yet plenty of women also shame older women that are preying on much younger men too. That’s not making a point it’s trying to make an excuse.
It makes me wonder why people praise Harold and Maude and vilify Manhattan, though I suppose the director of Harold and Maude didn’t marry someone Harold’s age. But most people agree that Harold walked away a better person, despite having Maude woo him and rip herself away immediately.
For me, it’s not the age gap so much as maturity gap and, more importantly, the power differential. When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I didn’t have my shit together in any way nor did I have a good level of maturity and self-confidence.
The power differential between one in their 40s or 50s (hell, even 30s) and late-teens/early-twenties means that healthy relationships are the exception, not the norm.
Bro have you seen how much Larsa Pippen has been (rightfully imo) dragged in the Bravo community for dating Marcus Jordan?!
That shit ain’t cute in either direction!
OK I’ll be the one to go against the grain in these comments. I am a nearly 40 year old man and I would bang a hot college girl in an instant. I can’t help that.
Nobody should be judging any two adults about a consenting nonabusive relationship.
After all, women polish the pearl to only age appropriate book porn that has nothing to do with poorly narrated but critically succesful actual rape fantasies built on having no idea what consent means lol.
You can think a 30 year old and 18 year old shouldn’t be dating or fucking all you want. But I’m pretty sure the old pricks and women scoffing at it are doing more virtue signalling than they are lol.
Don’t want people fucking 18 year olds? Raise the age of consent.
It was a real eye opener to me when I started dating to find out just how many women would literally ask to be raped. I probably attract that type more than average because of my physical stature, but still it really creeped me out. Never took anyone up on it.
Consensual non-consent != rape.
Though personally, I find that shit a landmine just waiting to explode - that and frankly “Yes” is hotter to me than “No*”. But more power to those able to navigate the boundaries successfully where everyone’s happier and satisfied for it. If nothing else, master communicators.
Edit: For those who downvoted, seriously, I get it. But it’s definitely a thing, and some people happily participate. I’ve met some - usually very nice folks (as are most people I’ve met involved in kink communities). I’ll also underscore that this is very much NOT the norm - but still more common than people might think.
Decentish broad-strokes article here: https://www.choosingtherapy.com/consensual-non-consent/
Yeah? How many are we talking about? I don’t necessarily have a small body count and I’ve never had this happen to me.
The age of consent isn’t the issue, it’s the objectification of people that haven’t even hit physical maturity yet.
There’s a lot you can help here, though.
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Don’t be a creep.
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Don’t lie to your partner about this.
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Don’t spin some weird sexist or misogynistic bs theories out of your attraction.
That’s it. Doesn’t seem too hard but you’d be surprised how many are struggling with these simple rules of decency and respect.
Theres also a YAWNING FUCKING CHASM between “Yes, If I were single I would really like to have a woman almost half my age find me sexually attractive enough to fuck me” and going out of your way to try and make it happen.
Also, like none of those 35yo women ever went and flicked the bean after watching the 20yo who mows their lawn go shirtless in summer.
Oh for sure. I wouldn’t want to be a creepy guy to a young person. But the other comments were all like “I’m not even attracted to young beautiful women”
I’m not even attracted to young beautiful women
Depends entirely on how old the person saying it is which is will vary wildly from commenter to commenter.
No because 18-year-olds are kids. I’m not even close to 40 and I think 18-year-olds are kids (especially from an emotional maturity perspective). 20s would be like the absolute youngest.
I’m a guy and when I was 18 I got a lot of interest from women in their 40s. Sexual attraction is just natural.
Yeah, but it didn’t start at 18 did it. A number of women hit on me when I was under 18 and no one would think anything of it. We are groomed into it starting with calling 6 year old boys handsome young men and he’s a cute kid.
Jesus Christ, this. And the men rarely even realize/acknowledge how predatory they’re being.
If you think women are being preyed on at that age, then the age of consent needs to be raised or Romeo and Juliet laws refined
One has nothing to do with the other. There’s nothing wrong with those of similar age being in a relationship. Romeo and Juliet laws require the couple to be within three years of each other. That has nothing to do with 40 year old men creeping on teenage girls. This thread is insane and really shows the demographics of Lemmy.
1/3 women are sexually harassed in their lifetime. Women have posted their stories about being sexually harassed more frequently as a young teenager than an adult. I personally have been groped and propositioned for prostitution while I was walking down the street in broad daylight. Not to mention the numerous cat calls. Everything stopped the moment I no longer looked like a child. This is what the post is about. Not consensual relationships.
The first time I realized I was being leered at was a man probably in his 40s while at the airport going on vacation with my family. I was 10 or 11 at the time.
I remember getting in trouble for leaning on a store counter a couple times, my mom eventually explained it was because the salesmen were looking down my shirt. I was in middle school.
Memories of us getting cat called walking to and from school with my friends are strongest when we were all around 14. I remember being groped by a 20something year old while giving them a forced hug as they cornered me at a party around 15 before ducking and running away to the crowd.
I had my first sexual assault at 18.
Now on the other side… I had a stalker at 23, was likely roofied a few years ago at 28, and one of my friends in her 40s was recently cornered in her hotel room by a friend assuming favors. Which we then found out was a well known habit of his.
Not to say any of this to argue your point, young girls are absolutely going to be cat called or given unwanted attention more than a adult or middle aged+ woman. More so just when I started listing a few I realized that unfortunately, we will always have to have our guard up. I’m in my early 30s now and get leered at/inappropriate comments from the 50-60 year old men in my industry. It is never not uncomfortable when you’re looked at like a piece of meat.
That has nothing to do with 40 year old men creeping on teenage girls.
It’s almost like there’s a false equivalence for the women in the meme being upset that men think young women are attractive versus them being creeped on by creepers while pretending like women don’t do the same damn thing lol.
Unwanted advances is something completely different than “guys talking about how 35 year old women are upset that men their age want 18 year olds”. While ALSO falsely attributing it to jealousy.
The women are pretending like 18 year olds aren’t attractive. They are, scientifically, and culturally. You can be old and appreciate pretty people. Vilifying that is getting into fucked up Roman Catholic levels of guilt & self-hate lol.
I’d be flattered if an 18yo girl found me attractive, but holy hell I wouldn’t have wanted to date somebody with the social-intellectual maturity of most 18 yo’s even when I was a lot closer to that age myself.
The ones that do want that, I’d say they’re either stuck in the mentality of that age being their own glory-days or wanting somebody they can easily dominate/control, quite likely both.
Yeah, I don’t get it. I’m 38m and don’t find college-age girls attractive anymore. Even in terms of physical attraction, I’m more attracted to women my age. 18 just looks like a kid to me.
I’m 38 and anyone under 30 looks like a child to me by now. 28, sure, they’re probably old enough despite the lack of life experience and looking a little young, but 18-year-olds still have baby fat! Gross.
If I see young people of that age group it sometimes makes me remeber of when I was that age and the fun I did/could have had. Nothing in me wants to engage with any of that at all anymore. Just happy care free memories.
A few years ago a friend had a 40th birthday and his gf arranged a night out. She took us to a night club in a university city. It was such an odd experience. We left pretty fast.
Ironic. I’m in to 30-something women and even 40-something women, but the catch is they have to not be mentally ill
That goes for any relationship. Men and women. It is harder the older as so many more are paired, and the single ones have a higher likelihood of having… reasons.
Or just baggage, which isn’t particularly healthy for your mental state. When looking at my circle of friends, at the latest when your ~35 you will have lived through cheating or other types of betrayal. People often are just assholes to each other and hurt people hurt people.
I see this as an additional reason though, to not date someone who is still very young.
Yeah, if I ever conquer this damn divorce and my general anxiety, I’m just gonna meet people and hopefully find someone with few enough red flags that I can feel comfortable around them