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I get where they’re coming from, but it’s still not great being a guy and only getting vague signals that you’re trying to piece together. Ghosting is also another issue that’s honestly just disrespectful.
While it may ultimately be those man children who ruin it for everyone, some upfront honesty is generally very appreciated.
Have you considered being upfront and honest about your feelings? Why are you trying to piece together signals instead of just saying you’re interested?
What made you think they’re not being upfront and honest about their own feelings?
That they desctibe themselves as trying to decipher signals. If they said upfront that they were interested and asked how the woman felt they would presumably get some kind of answer. Ghosting is a pretty clear signal too.
While it might feel rough for you, it’s worth remembering that a lot of women have faced very real threats of violence for their upfront honesty.
If you’re only getting vague signals then maybe that’s the sign that she’s not fully into you.
Yeah, for men the likely worst case scenario is embarrassment, women can get straight-up beaten or murdered
If by “embarrassment” you mean “getting arrested or your entire career and life ruined by sexual harassment accusations because you accidentally made someone uncomfortable”. Don’t act as if men are giving up dating in record numbers over “embarrassment”. It’s disingenuous. They’re giving up because guys like the one in the comic cause women to view them all as “creeps”.
I feel like this is very dismissive and also ignores that lots of relationships do inevitably start with vague signals.
“Yeah, well, women have it worse so your feelings are irrelevant and it’s okay if they ghost you.”
As I said in my original comment, I get it. But it doesn’t take away from the fact that it’s a difficult situation for men.
Being dismissive of men’s feelings and not letting them talk about how dating is difficult for them isn’t helping anyone.
I didn’t intend to be dismissive and if my response sounded that way then I apologise.
I agree it’s difficult to be on the receiving end of vague signals, but my perspective is if there’s any annoyance or frustration it should be directed at the violent/angry men who have caused women to feel unsafe.
Helping women feel safer by tackling the violence and misogyny directed at them by men will benefit everyone.
I think one should be rather dismissive of “it would be easier for me if others engaged in behaviours that have resulted in their being abused”.
Your fucking convenience doesn’t come before their sense of safety.
I think there’s three main reasons for vague signals.
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They legitimately don’t know how they feel. Maybe they kind of like you but aren’t sure. Recommended: do not pursue. Find someone who is enthusiastic about you. Do you really want to spend your time with someone who can’t make decisions and doesn’t know how they feel? It’s exhausting.
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They are afraid or uncomfortable, and are trying to avoid upsetting you. Like the comic. Enough men will do just that or worse if they get rejected that being polite can seem safer, even if it makes me man feel like he’s getting mixed signals. You know you’re not like that, but they don’t. Recommended: same as above.
2b. You are talking to someone who can’t leave like a retail worker. Stop bothering the person who can’t tell you to fuck off.
- They aren’t thinking about you at all. Like one time they’re happy to go bowling with you but the next time they blow you off on biking. What gives?? Mixed signals?? Nah dude she just likes bowling.
It’s also dismissive of the fact that a lot of women give vague signs as their signs of interest. It’s really just a damned if you do or don’t situation. Either you interpret the vague signals as disinterest and move on, or you read them as a potential go ahead and you’re a dick.
Yet I read other thread were women bitched and men acknowledge that we just miss signs when they interested. Its a no win situation. Man glad met my wife on a dating app and we communicated properly.
But the comic got real point because there was other thread and women dicussed dating and man the crap they deal with makes you wonder they even bother.
The answer is to flip this psychology/narrative that men have to be the ones to initiate and women are to be demure and play hard to get. Women should be approaching men more and men should be approaching women less.
Also, men need to have more platonic relationships with women and shouldn’t only be interested in, approach and talk to a woman because they want to have sex with them.
Yet I read other thread were women bitched and men acknowledge that we just miss signs when they interested. Its a no win situation.
People who can’t communicate probably wouldn’t make good partners in the first place.
You are the person in this comic.
Also another common third panel would be: not taking no for an answer and pursuing.
@li10@feddit.uk : “I get where they’re coming from, but it can be annoying…”
The person in the comic: “Stupid fat bitch slut!”
Yeah seem about the same
Ghosting is also another issue that’s honestly just disrespectful.
While that can be annoying, if somebody’s ghosting you, that’s just a signal to move on, yeah? You probably don’t want a relationship with somebody who can’t communicate, anyway.
It’s a shitty signal because it is just not replying to you and not a specific signal on its own. Could be for a bunch of reasons so you’ll have to guess that they’re ghosting you. It takes a while and even then you might not be sure.
It is a clear signal, it says very clearly and in no uncertain terms they don’t want to talk to you.
Your need for “closure” or whatever doesn’t matter.
This exact kind of situation does happen all the time. I don’t believe it’s a majority of men at all, but even if it’s a small percentage, that’s still a lot because of the magnitude of their actions. Even if it’s only a 5% chance that rejecting a guy is going to cause them to go completely off the rails, you’re still not going to want to take that chance because there’s nothing in it for you, and in those 5% of cases it’s going to be extremely upsetting, or in some cases, actually physically dangerous to you.
vague signals
If a woman gives me vague signals it’s a sign that she’s not right for me. Everything other than a “hell yes” is a no. Which is fine, I’m okay with being alone. But I’m not going to chase someone who hints that they’re into me, because I’m too damn old for that shit.
Everything other than a “hell yes” is a no.
This must be said more frequently. This is the correct attitude. You may be alone longer, but you haven’t terrorized anybody. It’s a net win.
I feel like signals of interest are being conflated with Consent/approval of a date here
I don’t think it’s me terrorizing people when they give me clear answers.
Also, don’t take the disrespect personally. Especially if it’s someone new in your life, they don’t know you deeply enough for that to be a personal thing.
It’s just the game she’s decided is necessary for her safety. It might be perceivable as disrespectful, but security procedures often are. Like if you went to your friend’s house and they demanded to search you for weapons that might seem disrespectful.
But you’re not friends with this person ghosting you. They don’t know who you are. And in some environments, when someone unknown to you comes to your house you pat them down for weapons, even if it diminishes the hospitality.
Exactly, I don’t blame them at all for anything. They don’t know me, I barely know them. If they don’t want to talk to me I have all you randos who reply to my comments. But I’m not gonna chase somebody who wants to get away. My biggest turn-on is someone who really, really wants me.
Ghosting is also another issue that’s honestly just disrespectful.
Maybe it’s because I’m a zoomer, but ghosting for me is just kind of expected. It’s mildly frustrating to encounter someone who doesn’t really reciprocate your feelings or what have you, and it’s maybe more disrespectful if it happens like, after the second or third date, but if someone ghosts you after the first date, I don’t really think it matters that much. Certainly, I’d rather not have to confront it than have them tell me that they’re not interested. That’s not really a satisfying answer, “they’re not interested”, right. It makes you want to ask “why”, but realistically they’re not going to be able to give you a reasonable, realistic, actionable answer. They’re just gonna be pulling stuff outta their ass. So I don’t really care all that much, I don’t think it matters.
And don’t forget he grabs a gun and shoots a bunch of people in the mall.
Young fellas; as a not so young fella who some say used to fuck: Don’t be a dick while thinking with your dick.
It’s that easy. You be you, be whatever you’re interested in, and just use your goddamn eye balls to read if the person is uncomfortable. If they are, smile and fuck off king. Keep it going; don’t be a dick and watch that aura work and that dick get wet.
But remember, you have to genuinely not be a dick. Be yourself, be assertive or not, there’s someone (many someones even) for everyone and never mind the bullshit rules 1 and 2 you self-deluded fucks.
Don’t. Be. A. Dick.
You’ll be happier, the people around you will be happier, and you will fuck and feel good about it while making others feel good about it. Simple secret.
Don’t. Be. A. Dick.
I’m also a not-so-young dude - forgotten generation - and honestly I don’t remember guys being like this. At least, not to women’s faces. Being rejected sucks and is a hit to your self-image, so there was the occasional after-the-fact, booze-fueled name-calling while among the guys, but to must of us, being rejected was something we were embarrassed about and didn’t advertise by sharing.
Our generations - boomers, gen-x - are selfish, greedy, and short sighted. OTOH, from survey of N=1 (my wife) getting this sort of response from men wasn’t a concern.
I mean there is also a massive amount of underreporting of sexual violence from that time and if you were born a man then there’s a good chance that if you were respectful you may have never been in the room where someone was getting assaulted or harassed. That’s not your fault, I’m glad you might not have been one of the shitty people to hurt others, but I’m pretty sure this shit has been happening a long time.
coming from a no-so-old dude who believes in respect and vibing.
Rape is another matter. Rape has been prevelant and underreported since, well, forever; and I doubt the rates of rape have gone down. In fact, since the definition of rape has been increasingly broadened, sexual violence crime rates have almost certainly been increasing.
The meme, and myself, were not talking about rape, or inequality, or being not being able to vote. I was only talking about women today being increasingly afraid to turn down men.
Being rejected sucks and is a hit to your self-image
A hit to your self-esteem maybe but you look all the better if you handle it nicely. If only guys understood that concept.
This has a lot of the energy of: “have you tried just not being depressed?”
Why would you remember guys being like this if you’re not a woman? Obviously you would not experience this situation if you were never in this situation because you’re a man. This interaction is going to happen where you don’t see them. Just ask some women around you if they’ve ever been scared by the response of a man they rejected. You’ll find that the majority of women have.
sigh
If you look back, I mentioned my highly scientific survey, which consisted my of asking my wife. Whence comes my observation.
My point has been that I’m betting that the age group of the women you ask is significant. It’d be an interesting study.
Yeah as a woman who gets plenty of women. Women want to fuck too. If the lady you’re hitting on isn’t reciprocating that’s cool find one who is.
Also your mental and emotional shit being together is way more attractive than it has any right to be. I’m not kidding, I’m moderately attractive but the fact that I can take no for an answer, clean my bathroom, and introspect on my emotions does wonders with the women already attracted to me.
Remember you aren’t gonna turn a no into a yes, but you can turn a yes into a no or a no into a restraining order.
Let me preface this by saying that I’m old. 
I was out for a long run yesterday. Playing the Hype Running List on Spotify. Enjoying most of the songs/artists being played thwre, eg, RATM, Beastie Boys, even some older stuff.
One song I was a bit meh about was The Boys Are Back In Town by Thin Lizzie. But this time, the lyrics made me stop and have a wtf moment. Here’s what I’m referring to:
You know that chick that used to dance a lot Every night she’d be on the floor, shakin’ what she’s got Man, when I tell you she was cool, she was red-hot I mean, she was steamin’
And that time over at Johnny’s place Well, this chick got up and she slapped Johnny’s face Man, we just fell about the place If that chick don’t wanna know, forget her
And I was like “hold up, are they saying what I think they’re saying?” Like, why would she slap his face? And why would you guys be dismissive of her and cool with Johnny?
Being hot/attractive doesn’t give you license to assault someone. So fuck off with that shit.